It’s always a bit nerve wracking when it comes time to find out who got picked for the latest round of promotions at work and who got shafted. The times when we make the cut, we feel on top of the world! But there inevitably also comes a time, or two or three, when we don’t make it and the disappointment is just plain awful to swallow. The promotion we worked so hard to achieve goes to someone else or is pulled from the budget and we’re left feeling rejected and taken advantage of. It’s happened to me and it completely sucks. But it really isn’t the end of the world and I want to help you learn how to handle being denied a promotion so you can rise back up and get remotivated.
I’ve helped people cope with rejection at work before, but I have a much clearer perspective now because in this last cycle my boss screwed me over and I was rejected from a promotion I really wanted.
I’ll be honest with you, I thought I had this promotion in the bag, but I was wrong. A decent amount of time has passed since my last promotion, and I’ve been busting my a$$ on several big initiatives this year. My performance reviews have been strong, I’ve been super proactive, and I’ve followed all the key steps on how to ask for a raise and a promotion. And yet my boss had the nerve to promote someone else and screw me over. Lame.
An Emotional Crescendo
I consider myself to be pretty mellow. For those of you who are regular readers, you know that I’m an easy going, friendly, and lighthearted gal. I rarely vent because it takes a lot to get me angry and emotional. But being denied this promotion put me over the edge for several weeks. I waited to publish this post because I needed time to simmer down and didn’t want to write something I’d regret later. I really wasn’t expecting to get passed over, and was totally unprepared for the wave of emotions that hit me.
As a woman myself, I have no problem saying that women tend to be more emotional than men, but I generally have nerves of steel when it comes to work. I’m not the type of person who will start crying uncontrollably if I’m given constructive criticism or a challenge. I actually welcome feedback and find constructive criticism to be really beneficial because there are always things that every one of us can improve upon. And unlike some working women, I’m not timid or afraid to voice my opinion or ask for things I deserve. But being denied this promotion made me a complete emotional wreck and my feeling rose rapidly like an intense crescendo.
Refuse To Accept A One Sentence Answer For Rejection
I hit a breaking point once before in my career when I worked an 18 hour shift one Friday and had to come in the next day to complete a huge project. My brain was total mush, I couldn’t think straight to meet my deadline, and the stress completely got the better of me. Getting passed over on this year’s promotion was my second career breaking point.
When my manager called me into a conference room for my year end meeting, I was expecting good news. But as soon as I walked in the room however, I noticed he seemed really down. After I took a seat, he quickly read me my year end stats, and then went silent waiting for me to say thanks and leave the room. I didn’t move. Wait. Did he forget to congratulate me on my year end promotion, or did I just get stiffed? With a puzzled look on my face I asked him, “Soooo, does this mean I didn’t get promoted?”
He somberly muttered, “No, I’m sorry.” What. Wait a minute. That’s it?! I get strong feedback all year and then I’m just supposed to take “No, I’m sorry” and walk out the room? Hell no. I flat out asked him right then to elaborate further because I was not going to accept a one sentence answer and then get right back to work.
My manager started off dancing around the subject, blaming things like the market conditions and our CEO. Typical. He wasn’t getting into that many specifics, and I actually started to tune him out at this point because the shock really started to set it…I just got completely rejected for a promotion. Wow. A flood of emotions hit me like a giant blast of cold water.
The Pain And Frustration When Someone Else Gets Picked First
What made it worse is that he informed me that one of my colleagues got promoted for the title I was working so hard to get. I was so naive not to prepare for this possibility and to assume both of us would get promoted at the same time. The last thing I wanted to do was to expose how emotional I was in front of him, but it was really tough to keep my composure. The timing was terrible too since I’ve been working a lot of overtime the last several months, and then this was the thanks I got. Really?!
I was beyond frustrated! Anyway, I kept asking him questions until I was able to get some dirt on what was really going on. Even though I’m not happy with his responses, I have a better understanding of why I was denied a promotion and some color on what to expect next year. I can’t go into the specifics because I keep the details of my work private, but I still think my boss screwed me over.
Even though I have been an emotional train wreck, I’m not going to let this experience destroy me. I already let my boss know how disappointed I am, that I believe I should have been selected, and that I’m reconsidering my future at the firm. This was too big of a disappointment for me to just sit back and be quiet about it. Even though I may not actually end up leaving, he needed to know that I’m upset and that he can’t get away with something like this again.
From Sadness Comes Anger And Spite
After recovering from my initial depression, I found my sadness turn into anger and spite. But I didn’t let my frustration lead me to do something foolish. As much as I wanted to shout a bunch of obscenities in front of him, I saved the bad language until after I got home. Anger is a powerful emotion that can really consume your spirit and composure in a bad way if you don’t move past it quickly enough.
So I decided to channel my anger and turn it into fuel and motivation to kick all my opponents’ a$$es. I’m also going to keep on my entrepreneurial untemplate trek, save as much money as I can, and then get the heck out of there! All my feelings of loyalty were blown up in this process and I’m focused on doing what’s best for me now. I’ve flushed the sadness and anger out of my system and I’m now fired up and am back to focusing on the positives and breaking free of my cubicle.
Then Recovery, Planning, And Execution
After the sadness and anger started to leave my system, I changed my focus to my recovery and the next steps I want to take. I already made it clear that I am not happy with the circumstances and if I need to leave in order to get justly rewarded for my efforts, I will. I won’t feel guilty anymore about not staying late and declining projects when I have too much work, I will focus more time and energy on building my side businesses, I’m starting to look for other job opportunities, I will maximize the use of all my benefits, and I will take all of my vacation days and not feel a twinge of guilt about it!
At the end of the day I keep reminding myself too that it could have been much, much worse. I am still fortunate to have a job, I like what I do, my salary isn’t phenomenal but it’s fair, and I still have my health. I’m also not going to let work get me as stressed out anymore because it’s not worth it.
10 Key Tips On How To Handle Being Denied A Promotion
I learned a lot from this rejection and I put together some tips to help you if you’re ever in the same boat as me. We must never surrender!
1. Keep asking questions until you start to get some answers. My manager wanted to get away with giving me a one sentence answer to why I was denied a promotion. Don’t let any manager get away with that! They owe you a real explanation. Be bold and ask them questions straight up. It’s the only way you will get answers.
2. Don’t get emotional in public. When you get caught by surprise with bad news it can be really hard not to get emotional. The last thing I wanted was to show even a single tear in front of my boss, but I was so upset that my body couldn’t help it. I also didn’t want to leave the room until he started giving me some answers. After I finally left, I went and balled my eyes out in the bathroom. It was awful. I know it’s hard, but if at all possible, try to keep your emotions in check if you’re faced with a rejection and don’t make a public scene.
3. Find a private place to cry, slam a door, sob some more, and then yell a ton of obscenities. I took some time to myself after meeting with my boss because I was really upset. The last thing I needed was to be at my desk and have to answer a call from a client when I was shaken up. Get yourself some privacy where you can let out all of your emotions. I’ve probably said more obscenities at home these last few weeks than I have in three years.
4. Talk to a loved one. It helps SO much to talk to someone you’re close to when you go through a rough rejection. Go to your number one supporter and let everything out. Listen to their guidance and let them build your confidence back up. It’s easy to forget the big picture when you’re feeling upset, and your loved ones can help you refocus and channel your emotions into focusing on your next move and something productive.
5. Analyze the last 6-12 months and get the back story. Once your emotions have simmered down, it’s time to analyze all the things that have happened over the last 6-12 months. Read through your reviews again, look at your list of accomplishments and failures, and get the back story of what led senior management to their decision.
6. Strategize your next moves. One positive aspect about rejection is that it can be extremely liberating. You have every right to fight for what you deserve, to start applying to new jobs, and find ways to get what you really want. Just make sure to review my list of important questions to ask before quitting your job. Put together an action plan for your next moves, start diversifying your income streams, and get a plan B and plan C in place.
7. Get things in writing and build documentation. Managers know that documentation is key in any type of promotion, lay off, firing, or significant event. Keep track of all the meetings you’ve had/have with your boss. Log every accomplishment, milestone, and goal, and make sure you also have in writing in your most recent review that you want to get promoted. Don’t be your own worst enemy by not making your boss fully aware that you want to get promoted. And remember, if you are a victim of any type of discrimination, you will need as much documentation as possible.
8. Update your resume and start networking. Get your resume updated asap and start brushing up your interview skills. I have a list of helpful interview tips and common interview questions you need to master, so be sure to check them out. Get back in touch with your classmates, old colleagues, and friends who may be able to help you land a better job.
9. Circle back with your boss. I recommend going back to your boss after you’ve had a chance to vent and cool down in private. Make sure to tell him/her that you’re disappointed and why, ask questions, and find out what you need to do in order to make the next round of promotions. You may not like their feedback, but if you don’t reach out, they can only assume you don’t have any concerns. And you don’t want to risk getting screwed over again.
10. Spit out the bad taste in your mouth and move on. It’s hard for anyone to be rejected, especially when we believe we’re doing everything right. But as we all know, unfortunately life doesn’t always work out the way we want. So it’s up to us to take action, build ways to live an untemplate lifestyle, and find the positives in glum times. Stand up for yourself and get your confidence back. Remember, even the most successful people out there have been rejected and failed many times too. Be sure to start lining up your next moves and move forward. Life goes on!
Update 10/26/2014
It’s been about six months since I wrote this post and my feelings of anger, shock, and disappointment are happily behind me. But I didn’t go down without a fight! I had several circle back meetings with my boss and senior management where I voiced my thoughts and concerns in a composed way after I’d had some time to pull myself together. I felt good getting things off my chest and making them sweat a little.
Fortunately they realized they screwed up and gave me a nice pay raise as an incentive for me to say. Supposedly they are also putting my name forward in the next round of promotions with a good chance of me making it, but I’ve learned to hope for the best and expect nothing. It’s certainly been one heck of a learning experience and hey, hopefully soon I’ll be saying better late than never!
Update 1/5/2015
It’s hard to believe I wrote this post two years ago. Fortunately I came to peace with most of my intense emotions. It took time, a lot of talks inside and outside of work, and healing to calm myself down and recenter. So as it turns out I managed to finally get the promotion I wanted, but I was still disappointed that it took so much pain and difficult conversations to get there. But despite all of that to me it was worth it to get that title because I had a lot of pride, I knew I deserved it, and I wanted to be able to stamp it on my resume.
I was in denial for most of the past two years that there were other things about my job that I should have paid more attention to. I wasn’t totally in love with what I was doing, but I was also lazy and scared to leave a job I had for so long. I didn’t want to admit that I was scared so I kept trying to convince myself that I should stay. After all I loved my direct colleagues. But my workload skyrocketed, my clients became constantly condescending and rude to my staff and I, and finally things got so bad last year that I hit a breaking point. It took me hitting a wall and breaking down in tears to accept that I needed to commit to finding a new job. It wasn’t just about me getting denied a promotion anymore, it was way more.
It’s been refreshing and a challenge searching for a new job over the last several months. And I must say the job search process has also made me appreciate all the things my job has given me over the years even despite the nightmares and tears. It’s been so long since I’ve had to search for a job that it’s taken some adjusting to the current marketplace. But having hope of fining a better career path is worth it and I’m not going to give up. Neither should you!
Update 9/25/2015
I am thrilled to update this post because earlier this year I finally said good riddance to all the people who denied me of my promotion! Check out all of the fun, juicy details in my post How I Negotiated A Severance Package And Got Paid To Quit My Job.
My life has changed immensely for the better and I no longer dread having to work with people who put me through so much pain and stress. I’m working as a freelancer now and am still looking for full-time work in case something awesome comes up. Freelancing is tough and certainly isn’t for everybody, but it’s working out pretty well for me so far.
I also want to say a big thank you to all of you who have found my website in your search for support during this tough time. It means a lot to me to read your comments and hear your personal stories. You are not alone! There are better opportunities out there for you if you look hard enough. Believe in yourself and don’t give up!! I also highly recommend reading How to Engineer Your Layoff before you call it quits on your employer.
What I’m Doing Now – 2019 And Beyond
Side hustling while I was working my crazy office job was one of the smartest decisions I’ve ever made. Now I am my own boss and have full control over the work that I do and when. I’ve taken on freelancing gigs, run my business on my own time, and am also a stay at home mom.
I’m really thankful that the hard work and grueling hours I endured for so many years working in the mainstream corporate world and saving diligently have really paid off. Engineering my layoff truly gave me the confidence and freedom to escape the grind and countless days of stress. Now I wake up smiling every day. The freedom and flexibility with my schedule is priceless.
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Updated for 2019 and beyond.
It’s crazy to hear so many stories on here with people getting screwed over on a promotion. I would have to write a book with all the details with my situation so I will keep it brief. I work in the school system. I have been working in my department for almost twenty years when I applied for a better job in my department. My supervisor was very aware I wanted this job as I told him two years in a row in my evaluation and told him when the job was posted. Long story short, I was blindsided. My supervisor gave it to a guy who has only been working in our department for 11 months to my 20 years. The guy comes into work late every day and has no respect for anyone. When my supervisor told me that guy got the job over me I almost passed out. I asked him how and his lame answer was he thought he was a better fit for the job. I asked again how is that? My supervisor said that’s all he could say. After I left for the day I knew there had to be more to it for that guy getting the job. The next day I talked to one of my sources and found out that the director over my supervisor has the guy’s(who got the promotion) wife working with that director. My supervisor basically has no backbone what’s so ever and does whatever she says. He could have said hey I already have an employee here for 20 years very interested in the better job but instead he takes the easy way out and does whatever the director says leaving me screwed over. I told many people in the school system about what happen to me and they were in shock I didn’t get the job. I always try to look at situations if the tables were reversed how would I feel but so many people don’t do that. Most people are only looking out for themselves. This happen about seven months ago and I am still upset about what happen.
oh man I’m so sorry to hear that. I would still be upset too if I was in your shoes. Being a teacher is hard enough as it is, you shouldn’t have to deal with that type of office politics.
“Wait. Did he forget to congratulate me on my year end promotion, or did I just get stiffed? With a puzzled look on my face I asked him, “Soooo, does this mean I didn’t get promoted?”
It’s been a few years since your story first ran – thanks btw – but I was struck by this concept of year end promotion.; do these really exist? Do they still? I’ve never been promoted, ever, but I’ve never been fired, either fwiw. Sadly my skill set is best suited in higher education administration where promotions aren’t offered or expected. That’s kind of messed up. You have to change departments to get a better job.
Anyway, what I’ve come to realize is that sometimes when you’re doing all the right things and communicating like crazy and reflecting and taking criticism to heart and showing growth and resolve and all that…sometimes it means you’re just not in the right place. Sometimes a good fit means they’re not a good fit for you, and not the other way around.
At my firm the vast majority of promotions were always decided and given at year end. Some companies that have flat structures may not follow this pattern, but year end promos are pretty common at many firms.
And yes, sometimes the firm just isn’t a good fit for you and it’s best to find a new job somewhere else.
I’ve worked for my employer for 5 years- I’ve never called out – I’m always available-i work extended hours- when I started a college degree was not needed but today all new hires Require a secondary degree. ( I was grandfathered in) About 2 years ago I had applied for another position- I did get the position but not a salary increase due to not having a college degree. It was a lateral move not a promotion. Im a Qa tester- no one trained me I learned on my own.
when ever a manger leaves the practice in other departments I cover as an interim and still have to keep up with my daily tasks. (This position pays double my salary) so 5 months ago I decided to apply for the position- I was just told ( five months later) I don’t qualify for the position due to my credentials but I continue to cover until the position is filled. I’m working 2 jobs covering 2 major rolls for entry level pay. Mind you I’m in college perusing a degree.
I have a very frustrating story……..I have 22 year experience in my field but it doesnt’ matter where i go it’s the same story, It’s “entry level” work to work your way up, but you do the crap job so well, they don’t want to promote you and eventually you leave. I currently have a job where I do all the financial work and when the CFO retired, I thought I would get some type of promotion, instead it was given to someone without ANY financial background, no degree, etc. in fact, I have to put things together for him and answers the questions for the boss, but he gets all the credit. I expressed to the owner and other managers I really would like my opportunity to move up after 22 years and a degree, it’s time and I’ve proven my worth in gold and then some. I get the run-around and given more work, but no raise, no promotion, in fact – I don’t have a title after 4 years with the company, not even a title! Men start on higher levels, not entry level and some walk in with supervisor roles……there are only 3 female supervisors and they have been with the company at least 15 years but they still have to answer to a male manager. There was a message sent out that someone 4 years younger than myself is now GM of the company. I can’t even get a supervisor position and I have more experience, I’m great at my job, managers come to me for information and help, I work well with most everyone and take on duties and know the ins and outs of wherever I work. Why is this so hard to move up? I had a supervisor job for 3 years about 15 years ago, but then I relocated after I got married and it’s been a challenge ever since. What does it take to be seen as the right person for the job? How much more do I have to point it out, take on, put in overtime to just continue to watch people my age and younger move up based on gender and less qualifications?
Oh man. I am so sorry to hear about your experience. What they have done to you is wrong on too many levels. Not having a title is messed up. And getting passed over like that is the worst. If you haven’t directly spoken to your manager and/or HR about your feelings and the fact that you don’t have a title, I really think you should. They are taking advantage of you and will continue to do so if you stay silent. Put together a list of all the responsibilities you have and challenge them (in a professional manner of course). Every job needs some sort of title and job description.
I just found this article when searching for any answer / saviour / help after being denied of a promotion. I had literal mental meltdown, the whole thing was really horrendous. My boss actually left and myself and my junior colleague applied for the job (we are a team of 3) and he got the job instead of me. Boss refused to talk to me till I felt like I could offload my true feeling, and blocked me on all the socials, ignored my texts, and it all spiraled down. I am still in the anger phase, as well as frustrated to put up with my ex colleague – now my boss, who knows very little boss me around as he clearly hasn’t got a clue how to do his job. I will keep reading this article and will somehow survive. I love the job and the company I work for but now seeking to find opportunities within the company. I do feel all my effort and hard work was totally ignored and nobody cares, though.
I am so sorry to hear what you’re going through. I totally understand the mental meltdown and the overwhelming feelings that come flooding down after getting denied a promotion. Getting passed over, especially by a junior colleague, is so so difficult. And the fact that your boss is avoiding you shows even more how horrible and immature he/she is. You are smart to start looking for other opportunities within the company. Never give up fighting for yourself! Things will get better!
Thank you so much for the kind words. Yes, my ex boss is horrible and immature, among other things.
It was the fact every effort I made to do better jo0b every single day, worked so many extra hours without overtime pay, and did everything to be the best worker there is, were all ignored and didn’t matter in the end.
My ex boss always told me he will not survive without my assistant, and felt at ease to take holiday knowing I can cover him any day. He even admitted I can do his job without any handover in my interview in front of his senior manager!
My current boss joined the team a year after I started, and I trained him, and quickly realized he was not very good. I asked my ex boss to keep an eye so he sill progress, but because he was stationed in different office he was left alone not learning any of our jobs.
I was gobsmacked to find out he got the job instead of me.
The whole thing makes no sense to me and I naturally lost any sense of loyalty or working hard. But I will have to keep moving pass this, and like you say, will keep fighting!
I also was denied a deserved promotion. The boss brought in his friend. He told me during my annual review where I received great marks and a big raise. I had been putting in 12 hour days helping with in many departments because of my expertise. However, being denied this promotion kept me on a level below the work I had been doing. In no uncertain terms, I told my boss he was an effing a-hole. He acted surprised, so I repeated myself. Then, he started in with his excuse. Apparently, there was a VP in a different department who didn’t want me to be at an equal level to him. This VP was a key employee and my boss didn’t want to upset him. In any case, I immediately cut my hours back to 8 per day, stopped going to lunches with my boss and only spoke to him when absolutely necessary. Yep, I pouted. Well, the person who got the job I wanted was disliked by this VP even more than I, so that strategy by my boss blew up in his face. No longer willing to contribute my expertise in other departments, I did only what I was required in my area. My boss and that VP quit less than 2 years later. I finally got that promotion and more money and have worked for the company 25 years now. Life is good. With justice, life is better.
oh man that must have been so hard on you at the time. It’s good you told your boss how you felt and didn’t keep your emotions bottled up. Cutting your hours back to the minimum was the right move then and I’m SO glad to hear things worked out for you in the end!!! That is fantastic news.
Hi reading these comments I am so deflated time after time young people come
In and get promoted, and you work so hard for the company I am so down depressed I had a great relationship with my boss now I don’t want to talk to anyone Senior I feel I can’t trust anyone after Once again not getting anywhere I am OK to look after the place and run it, and open up but the minute a Supervisor
Is in the place I am like ignored they are better then me, I used to Love going to work this person who has been made up never used to contribute if there wasn’t enough staff stupid me used to offer to stay over now I have become very reserved it hurts and I cannot shake it of
Sorry to hear about your situation. You are not alone! Try not to be discouraged. There are always ways to find solutions if you give yourself enough time. Hang in there!
Hi reading these comments I am so deflated time after time young people come
In and get promoted, and you work so hard for the company I am so down depressed I had a great relationship with my boss now I don’t want to talk to anyone Senior I feel I can’t trust anyone after Once again not getting anywhere I am OK to look after the place and run it, and open up but the minute a Supervisor
Is in the place I am like ignored they are better then me, I used to Love going to work this person who has been made up never used to contribute if there wasn’t enough staff stupid me used to offer to stay over now I have become very reserved it hurts and I cannot shake it of
I know this is late, I just came across this page after googling “ passed up for promotion”.
This has just happened to me, today. And I’m really f*ing sad about it!!
I work in the NHS, used to be full time, quickly promoted then had a baby a couple of years later. Now I work three long days and for the second time ( in a small team where I was advised to still apply despite my hours, by my OWN boss), I have been rejected.
The worst thing is that they rang me to offer me the job, but only if I totally restructured my hours. My boss knows I couldn’t offer those hours, and basically made me turn the job down.
I don’t know what upsets me more, the fact that I have to choose between my family( service family, husband away most of the time) and my promotion prospects, or that the offer was blatently designed to make me refuse it.
They offered it to a external candidate who has no experience in our field.
Oh man, I am so sorry to hear that Debbie. That is so wrong it’s outrageous. I know how hard it is to juggle work and raising a child and with your husband away a lot that is especially challenging. The external candidate getting it is a total slap in the face too. Hang in there! It’s worth doing some searching for a better job on the side when you have some spare time. You deserve better.
Thanks for your reply Sydney. I know they don’t owe me a job, but I can’t fix the “problem” to make it work next time either!
I am actively looking and applying now, this has happened to me twice and I held on for two long on the hope that things would be different.
I don’t want to look like I’m just leaving because I didn’t get my own way though. We have something called leaving interviews. So I will use that opportunity to tell them why I feel I have been let down, and why I want to go and work somewhere that recognises my talent and the hours I put in, and that those skills can still be promoted on!
You’re doing the best you can and that’s what’s important! Great job actively looking and applying! People change jobs a lot now, and often times it’s for better opportunities and compensation so don’t feel bad at all. If you find something that fits you better, take it and keep marching forward!
Hi Debbie, I too got passed over for a position i should’ve got, it shouldn’t even have been an issue. I got passed over for a part timer after being the assistant to the person who’s position i should’ve got. The irony of me being hospital when i found out will not be lost on you working in the NHS! Lol.
I was waiting for this promotion, i’d turned down other offers to stay. Had i taken one of those offers i would’ve been much higher up the career ladder than if i got this promotion i was waiting for. To say i was rocked, hurt and angry was a massive understatement (It happened a long time ago but still to this day i’m fuming and burning with anger and resentment). I was lied to and used, and my immediate supervisor who’s position i should’ve been promoted to when he left was threatened with not being allowed to work his notice and having any references witheld if he told me i was being shafted (He came back in explained and apologised to me for what happened). My manager also blocked a transfer with a promotion again without any explanation.
The one thing i learned (apart from how not to treat your staff), is that i stayed too long, way too long. I should’ve taken the first of those two offers.
My advice is get the hell out of there as fast as possible, go where you’re valued and respected. You deserve that. Everybody does. They took advantage of your loyalty. It’s time to put yourself first for a change.
Good luck.
I waited for this promotion too! I haven’t had as bad experiences as you though with the management!
Back story, there was a band 5 going in my team, I only work 25.5 hours and they told me it was full time only so not much chance ( despite me being the best person for the job, and my boss kindly telling me this whilst I was sat on the panel for other candidates!).So I didn’t apply.
Then my boss said there would be other opportunities for me and my flexible working. So I waited, and as advised I applied this time. I applied, scored the highest on the interview and was offered the job over the phone, but with a caveat to completely change my hours. The second guy who scored less was offered it because ‘ I turned it down’.
Im annoyed because I worked for these positions, and if I had been full time I would be doing the job now. I understand that the business needs 37.5 hours a week, but surely they need the skills more than they need a body on a chair ( im in a technical IT role, which is very specific to certain in house programs). I also feel massively undervalued as a team member now. My skills mean nothing, only my visibility. Part of the problem is the system, I cant change that, but I can get out of it!!!
Im now looking at my dream job, which is as far removed from IT in the NHS as possible!!! Its working with the dead!
Thanks Sydney and all who posted their experience as the world still not changed. Am struggling with same situation and have reasoned with all top guns. I have tried not to emote n stay controlled but deep inside am devastated and hurt for useless junior guys having fun and not doing any worth job simply made it. It has been only 3 days and am feeling so rejected. One thing I got appreciated for I reach out to top management to discuss my case and have been assured to get justice in next round. But it is still painful to see I have to fight and tell despite known to all how much I was deserving and the other guys made it effortlessly. One of the guy in top management offered the advice to console that consider it was not your day but somebody else’s. I wonder why not the same apply when something challenging comes up and simply passed on to me.
Ten years ago I was a 45 year old woman who get smacked down in favor of a just newly hired 25 year old guy. The position he took over which was separate but equal to mine was reclassified so he could make a lot more than me. I had been patiently waiting for my raise for almost five years so to see someone waltz in and take it from me was just too much to bear. I wanted to slash my wrists and end it all. Showing up to that office was the most humiliating thing I have ever had to endure on the job. NOTHING HAS EVER TOPPED IT.
I was so angry I quit less than a year later. Ten years later and I still have not gotten over it. I am furious and I will not rest until I get some sort of revenge (like winning the lottery or becoming a big shot of some sort). Unfortunately, my age makes it impossible to get hired as dog catcher.
Therefore, I will sit and stew in a vat of boiling rage until I drop dead of an aneurysm.
I’m so sorry. Unfortunately, I’ve been through similar treatment. Watching others get higher raises, promotions, The confusing thing is that it never seems to matter how well I do or how badly the others do, they still get the promotions.
Three years ago, a coworker with much less ability and education than I, as well as being the known “technically useless” engineer in the office who left her troubleshooting for others (including me) to do because her “family always comes first” and she just couldn’t work any overtime at all….got promoted. And I didn’t. The office joke got promoted and I didn’t.
Needless to say, I was furious!!! I’m angry just thinking about it. It took me a full two weeks before I had cooled off enough to go to my boss and tell him flat out I wanted a promotion. I didn’t mention the office joke but I did say that somebody must be getting the promotions and here’s why it should be me!
In the meantime, I interviewed for a management position I was more than qualified for but it went to a younger less experienced man who had already been chosen for the job. However I wowed my upper management during the interview. I ended up with my long overdue promotion and in the process found out that my old boss had been telling everybody lies about me. So basically, one old fool sabotaged my entire career. The whole time he was telling me that there was no money, no opportunities, blah blah blah. We’re a government contractor, so what he said was feasible. I thought the world of him so I trusted him. My current supervisor actually apologized to me.
It’s still not much better. The raises and promotions go to the guys straight out of school and us older workers ( I am a woman in my early 50’s) are worked to death to fix what they screw up. Then the young guys leave for huge pay raises. Company loyalty simply doesn’t exist anymore. I think there is a generation or so of older workers caught between the age of hard work and company loyalty and the current concept of every person for themselves. I am in that group. There really is no where for us to go.
I’ve thought that one solution would be for older workers to band together and start their own companies. With the combined experience, accumulated knowledge, and old world loyalty, the right combination would be a powerful force.
I was once reorganized out of a position I deserved. We had a volatile, yet critically needed, co-worker in another department who always ignored or shortcut company procedures for his own benefit. He also had a terrible temper. I, on a managerial level equal to his, was not afraid to calmly confront him whenever he went postal. This irritated him to no end. He went to the GM and threatened to quit. The GM reorganized me down so I no longer was in charge of my department. He admitted this was the reason for that downgrading. I felt very angry, but did not quit.
Instead, I cut my hours from 11-12 hours back to 8 hours a day. I never again spoke to the GM without him speaking to me first. I never went to lunch with him again. (We had been eating together weekly.) I let the person who replaced me fail in handling my former position by not going the extra miles I used to go to see him succeed. In less than 2 years, the critically needed employee left and I was suddenly the most valuable person needed. I told the company that unless the GM and person who had replaced me were not removed that I would quit. They are no longer with the company, and I have now been working there for the last 26 years. Revenge is sweet.
Thanks for sharing your experience. What a whirlwind you’ve been through. That’s great you were able to stick things out and the bad apples are now gone. Congrats on 26 years – that is quite impressive!
Apologies for the length in advance.
Late one year, we had two senior staff members depart our organization. They had split responsibility for the largest spend category in the business unit, as well as the entire organization. A few weeks after the second employee departed, my manager and my director (my manager’s manager) approached me with a “stretch assignment” – where I would offload a portion of my spend responsibility and take on the entire spend category the two departed colleagues had.
Looking for a challenge and opportunity for more senior management visibility, I said sure but with some reservations. I just needed a few things – a company-issued smartphone (which those two had), some more vacation time, a raise (both were making at least $12,000-$15,000 per year more than I) and a promotion to the job grade the two previous incumbents had (a level above mine). The promotion and raise, they said, would need some success first. Disappointed, I understood the rationale and agreed to take on the additional responsibility, with a promise to revisit after three and six months.
It took almost four months to get the first item approved and issued. The remaining three never happened. Oh, the accomplishment was more than there – I was lauded for doing more in that role in six months than the one previous incumbent had done in five years. I succeeding in finally getting the organization’s biggest supplier to agree to cost concessions they had been holding onto for years. I initiated and developed a raw material hedging program that ended up netting $60 million in revenue over six years. I worked with suppliers to improve quality and delivery and reduce lead time. Even with taking a tough tact with suppliers, I quickly earned respect and trust – I made sure pain points for them (e.g., past due invoices dating back months, even years) were quickly resolved.
Our department’s cost savings goal that year was $16.1 million. I delivered $15.3 million in executed cost savings projects and our group still missed the goal for the year. Thanks to the group’s “failure,” my bonus for the year after taxes was $81, or about seven cents for every extra unpaid hour I had put in that summer and fall. As a further reward for my performance, my raise the next spring was exactly the same as everyone else – a big fat zero.
The real gut punch was Thanksgiving week. Just before the holiday, I was called into my director’s office and was told that I was not getting a promotion, but that another colleague in a sister department would be. My stunned silence was quickly replaced by internal anger – this colleague had not one substantive achievement in the four years he had been there, but kept getting promoted every 12 months, despite a rule of 18 months in a role. People liked him because he was easy going, and he had been given a string of low-risk projects that even the most entry-level person could handle. His manager – who reported to the same director – was trying to cultivate him into a rising star.
What that manager didn’t realize was that this employee undermined him and talked trash about him behind his back at every opportunity. Despite this, this employee was considered a golden child – when he attained a particular professional certification, there was an email sent to the entire business unit lauding him for the accomplishment. However, I had attained the same certification months earlier (being one of the first in the world to attain it), and absolutely nothing was said.
I was told my promotion paperwork was circulating for approval, but not approved in time before a hiring/promotion freeze. I later learned that was a complete lie; the paperwork was never started. Frustrated and unable to trust my management, I had applied internally for an advancement opportunity with another business unit. This effort was stifled by my director, who complained it would be extremely difficult to replace me.
After this, I channeled my efforts into leaving. It took a few months, but the right opportunity came up at a 35% pay increase. Incidentally, my former company had to backfill me with two people, and the promotion freeze was magically lifted a few days after I departed in order to keep another colleague from quitting. My lying director finally got his due a couple years later, botching a major project and was personally fired by the CEO (a monumental accomplishment for a 30,000 employee company).
Wow thanks so much for sharing your story! I’m so glad to hear that you were able to focus your energy on changing your situation and you were able to get a better job! That’s fantastic news. And that must have been music to your ears when you heard about your former director getting fired!
I have just one question from Sydney’s original post. Was the person who got the promotion a man?
Yep! I was frustrated beyond belief. Thankfully I was able to channel my emotions and take action. So even though things didn’t work out for me initially, in the end I definitely feel like I won!
How about watching about a hundred males get promotions, raises, and seeing them get into Directorships throughout a ten-year career in a male-dominated industry. Even when for yourself, you have a pile of experience, certification and four degrees?
How to deal with that type of issue? The cause is not within me as a person, it is external caused by both conscious and subconsious gender-bias, and even blatant misogyny.
That must be so incredibly frustrating to say the least. There’s no easy solution unfortunately. It’s certainly not easy to talk to your boss about this, but if you have been passed over for a promotion you deserve, you really should speak up and ask for some answers.
Thank you for this post. Why do employers treat good employees so badly?
I am beyond frustrated at my job and I think it’s time to see there is more bad than good.
I took a semi lateal move 5 months ago but there was more pay and the new department was hitting their numbers for commission my old one was not.
I was in transition for 4 freaking months. Doing 80% of my new job work and still doing all my old job stuff.
They hired someone finally and she has been there about a month.
I have just been told after Christmas I have to go back and help them cover a vacation. WTF. So 10 days of doing both jobs again.
Enough is enough.
I moved because I no longer wanted to do the other job yet they still keep pushing me back. I don’t think that will ever change as long as I’m with the same company.
Hi Abby. I’m sorry to hear you’re having a tough time at work. Transitioning departments can be a tough gig when you get pulled from so many directions. Try sitting down with your new manager and let him or her know that your former boss is taking too much time away from your new responsibilities. At the end of the day, you need to build a strong relationship with your new manager and work on your new role. Managers don’t always talk to each other so it’s possible your new boss has no idea your former manager is asking so much of you. I’ve seen this happen many times at my former employer. Once the transitioning employee got their new boss to fight for their time in the new department, the old manager was forced to figure out replacement resources and let the separation complete. Hang in there! You can always start looking for a new job in the meantime if it simply doesn’t look like things will change in the next couple months.
Just found your site through a comment you left on another blog. Kudos to you for confronting your boss and getting real answers. Also Kudos for leaving your career and starting a new one. I’ve considered going out on my own before but I want to early retire and haven’t figured out a revenue plan yet. I’m too far out to step off the gas now. It’s a goal of mine for 2017.
Thanks Julie! Yeah, venturing out on your own isn’t something to rush into. That’s great you have it as a goal for next year though. Keep us posted on your progress.
Writing to say thank you. I am experiencing the moment in the night directly after being screwed over, can’t sleep, and am way too emotional about it all at this point. Your words have helped me seek some clarity, especially the line about being loyal. I have worked at this place for a decade, and have spent way too much overtime, and now I am able to really see your point. Why am I loyal to the workplace when it doesn’t care for me? Thank you for writing this post!
You’re very welcome! And sorry to hear about your situation. I know exactly how you’re feeling. Do your best to use your emotions to take control back in your life and start making positive changes one step at a time.
Fantastic post. I can feel the real human emotions that you’ve been feeling and I appreciate all the updates that you’ve had. This is the first blog post I’m reading from your website and can say that you have bounced back really nicely. I’m looking forward to reading more of your content and the prior company doesn’t know what they are missing, which is the sad part. You are killing it with your blog and onwards and upwards from now on!
Thanks for the kind words and glad you’re enjoying the site!
Sydney – There are very few posts that address this common challenge and I’m so grateful that you have shared your experience here. Less than 24 hours ago I went through something similar. Still in shock by the ultimatum I was just given by management. Here are some details:
-I work in a male dominated industry
-I took a 10K pay cut to accept a marketing position (under my skill level) because i knew I could work up quickly
-I was given a moderate raise in my 2nd yr that brought me up to a comparable level of other admins within the company (regardless that I have more experience and education).
-Yr 3-4 I proposed the undertaking of a significant project that would DBL my responsibilities. Management accepted my proposal but requested this be done “pro-bono” for the time being. My progress was to be reviewed in 8 months and compensation would be determined. I accepted managements proposal.
– HERE COMES THE KNIFE TO THE BACK…. It’s raise time, management has proposed an insulting low pay raise regardless that I have provided substantial stats & analytics that prove my efforts are exceeding goals. To outsource the project it would cost the company at least 8x’s what they are offering me. I told management I would not continue these extra responsibilities without proper compensation.They have now decided that to try to play hardball and tell me that these added responsibilities (THAT I PROPOSED) are now justifying my position with the company and that if I stop them… my job is at risk.
Sounds like a threat to me! To say I’m pissed off is an understatement. I’m not even sure how to negotiate with such ignorance.
HELP!
oh gosh I am so sorry to hear that Stella. They sound like total jerks to be giving you hostile feedback like that. Management can be too focused on costs and not enough on people sometimes. It doesn’t seem fair at all. Do your best to stay calm in your talks with them and research compensation and job descriptions for your line of work that you can bring to the table. Having real numbers to talk through can help along with explaining how long each of the various tasks you’re doing takes. Perhaps they simply have no idea how much time certain things take and also might not know how much it would cost to outsource? Have you talked to HR at all? They may be able to provide more color than your direct manager(s). In any case, get your resume updated and start searching for a new opportunity while you’re still working. Q1 tends to be a good time to job hop. I hope things work out for you. Hang in there!!!
Ok guys, This is a bit of a long one and it goes back quite a long time ago, but it’s still raw and i’m still fuming as it destroyed my career, so please bear with me, i’ll get there as quick as i can. I’m also interested in all points of view regardless of whether i like them or not, “sugar coating” doesn’t really help anything in my opinion.
Anyway here goes…
My career was in the licensed trade, and i’d had a lot of experience for someone of my age in terms of different facets of the industry, in fact there were only two that i hadn’t experience in.
So this new pub/restaurant/motel opens and obviously while it’s being built they’re advertising for staff. So i applied for the position of full time bar person and at my interview the manager asked me what direction i saw my career going, to which i replied “at some point in the future i’d like to be sat where you are” (remember that as i becomes very relevant later on). I was offered the position and accepted.
There were two full time Bar staff, my supervisor (whom the management had brought from a previous place) who was 5 years older than me, and myself as well as seven other part time bar staff (college students, semi retired, all ages etc).
Me and my supervisor went training at another pub (as we were the only two full timers), and we got on well (still friends to this day), the manager there asked me to stay there, i said i couldn’t as it was the other place that employed me, and i had to stay loyal (remember that for later).
So the place opened and all was going well, we’d had three trainee management teams who were waiting for there own places to be ready to open (two of those had asked me to go with them as a supervisor to which i agreed but my manager blocked both, i’d also had somebody from another organisation come in while i was working, and ask me to go and work for them, which i thought about but declined, i also applied for another position with an extension of the company which i got but then decided against as there was no long term future in that particular case).
Obviously i’d always had an eye when my immediate supervisor might be leaving, and when he wasn’t on duty i was seen as the senior staff member. After 18 months my supervisor told us he was leaving and had handed his notice in but wasn’t going for 3 months. The only other person who could do the supervisors job was me, so i don’t think it was unreasonable to think i might be in with a shout of promotion (do you?).
One of the part time staff was doing a leisure and tourism course at college (he was older than my supervisor) but had no previous experience of the industry. Then one shift he walks past with the manager, assistant manager and my supervisor into the back where the cellar and stock room, when i mentioned it later to him he said it was part of a module on his course (he was still on part time hours so i didn’t suspect to much, and somebody else i knew had done the same course at a different college and confirmed it was a small part of it, but it did raise an eyebrow).
At this point, it’s about a month before my supervisor leaves (for the past two months my supervisor seems unhappy and pre occupied with something) and still nobody has spoken to me about a promotion, but i’m still not too worried as i’m already trained up. Then two weeks before my supervisor’s due to leave the rotor goes up in the staff room and the writing is different (the only people who do the rotor is the supervisor, assistant manager or manager).
A few days later i end up in hospital with a medical emergency and i’m in for just over two weeks, on the day before i’m released my best friend (who also works there – i got him the job) comes in to visit me and says have you heard?… “A” is the new supervisor.
I was disgusted, and absolutely furious (especially considering the offers i’d had, the loyalty i’d shown and the times he’d blocked my advancement – i thought maybe he was keeping hold of me for promotion?), A few days before i went back to work i went in on my crutches for a drink and one of the bar staff (one of his “chums”) said to me with a big smug grin all over her face said “I’ll bet your pissed off aren’t you?”, I said “No, i know why i didn’t get it, and i’m happy with that. You don’t”. (I deserved an oscar for that perfomance, because damn right i was mega pissed off and had no idea why i didn’t get it, but i wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of seeing that). Then the manager came around the corner and “Hiya, you ok?” as if nothing had happened!
So i go back to work and act as if nothing had happened, my first day back my old supervisor came in and asked if he could have a word so as we were quiet and there was cover, i sat down and he said “I’m sorry for happened to you and the way it was done, i was very uncomfortable with it, i didn’t agree with it and thought you deserved to be told. I was told that if i told you i’d lose my job immediately, and i wasn’t the only one thought you should’ve been told”.
I asked him “did you have a say in who got it?” and he said “i was asked, and said of course you should get it your were the natural successor it’s why you were there, and the guy who was promoted over you was in training up when you weren’t on shift, it just wasn’t put on the rota in case you figured out what was going on”, to which i asked “why?” and he said “the manager didn’t want you leaving if you found out because it would’ve left him without any full time staff, and not enough part time staff to cover”. I thanked him for coming in and telling me (he didn’t have to do that and i’ve got an immense amount of respect for him for that, that took balls as we say in the UK). He told me that the area manager questioned the other guy getting promoted over me.
I then asked how the other guy was chosen and he said ” it was a vote, i said you, the assistant manager said you, and the manageress said you, the assistant manageress went for the other guy as did the manager”. So i said “so it was three to two in my favour and i didn’t get it! Then what was the bloody point of a vote!” He said “i know i thought that”. Then he said “It’s only fair to warn you that it caused one hell of a row between the manager and the manageress so be careful”, i said “after the way i’ve been treated and now knowing how devious, deceptive, and underhand they can be do you really think i’m gonna turn my back so i can get another knife between my shoulder blades?” He said “no, but just be aware”.
Now comes the positive if you can call it that.
My new supervisor pulled me aside and said very piously “I know your probably disappointed, but is it going to be a problem?” so i said “i’ll say what i’ve got to say, i’ll say my piece and then it’s done it doesn’t need to be mentioned again” he said “ok, go on”, i said “We both know you shouldn’t have got it, the way it was done was a absolute disgrace, if they can do that to me they can do it to you remember that, i’ve got more experience, i was the full timer (the kicker is i actually trained this scumbag when he started and all the other part time staff!) it was part of my career (This guy never even wanted a career in the licensed trade! It was just a part time gig for him!). the situation is what it is, and we’ll make the best of it, your my boss and i’ll respect that and do what you ask of me but don’t try to undermine me or make me look stupid, i deserve a little bit of respect.” He said “ok”.
Then the assistant manager came in an said “i understand your probably very pissed off, and for what it’s worth i think you’ve got every right to be, but try not to let it get to you”. He also confirmed what my original supervisor told me.
Then the best bit, after the dust settled i got assigned all the shitty jobs, unless the manageress was on in which case my supervisor got all the shitty jobs and openly stated “i don’t know what the hell *** was thinking promoting him over you” (she openly showed contempt for him, and always asked me to do the more important jobs, and yes i did allow myself a little smile. Lol), She stood my corner for me when she didn’t have to, it created problems for her but she still did it. I’m very grateful for that and respect her for it, and always will.
All the customers didn’t like the new supervisor, they all favoured me, and were always asking the manager why he promoted the other guy over me (which made the manager very uncomfortable and squirming in his shoes (and yes i allowed myself another smile at lol).
Not longer after i started being asked to help the manager with the paperwork at the end of the night (which only supervisors did and i’d done before on a few occasions). Then my supervisor started dropping my hours to less than part time hours and giving more to his friend, i mentioned it to the manager and they went back up for a few weeks but then they drop again. I also overheard the supervisor and his friend saying “don’t worry we’ll get rid of him somehow”.
A few weeks later i’d booked a night off which my supervisor agreed to, the next morning i was in work and the manager called me down the office and looking very uncomfortable sacked me! For not turning up for work the previous night! I told him booked it off and he said it’s not in the diary (and it wasn’t) This was two weeks before i would have had two years service in (at that time in the UK that would’ve me full employment rights, it’s now six months.
I said “have you ever known me just not turn up? I’ve shown you nothing but loyalty and you don’t even have the basic professional courtesy to inform me that i’m passed over for a part timer, despite knowing that this is my career and he wasn’t even interested in one?”
He said “since we’ve been open there have been 29 promotions and you haven’t been considered for one (trying to self justify his treatment of me )” I said “i’d only have been interested in one”.
I then said “aside from me turning down other offers from outside the company, if you had no intention of promoting me then why did you block transfers to new places with other managers?”
He said “i like to keep my problems in house!” WTF! “i said did it ever occur to you that maybe this place IS the problem? I want to progress, you knew that, and your stifling me, your holding me back without any reasonable explanation. If i was such a problem then one why did you block my promotion and tranfers? I would’ve been gone then and so would any perceived problem, also if that’s the case why didn’t you fire me earlier? What your saying makes no sense whatsoever and is a total contradiction to what your saying”.
He just said “i’ve made my decision and that’s it”. So i said “ok, but i’ll be appealing because it’s unfair” and “by the way the bloke you promoted over me, he’ll cock it up and he’ll let you down i give it six months” and walked out.
I appealed, had a meeting with the manager and the area manager (who i always got on really well with and who also looked very sheepish), but they said “we’ve decided not to give you your job back” i said “what a shock” and walked out.
P.S. The guy who got promoted over me… I was bang on, i was right, he cocked it up and left after 5 months (and yes i did smile when i found out! Lol).
So that’s it.
Sorry for the length but i had to get this out. Thanks.
What happened made me sick to my stomach, and i vowed never to work in that industry again, and apart from helping a friend out on a few occasions i never have.
update on my situation from 28 August 2014. I did turn my situation to work for me. I got my business that pays me a modest amount monthly, and growing. But I continue to be employed as I still need the extra cash . So recently the person that was given the job got a better opportunity elsewhere. My employer has asked me to fill (with no extra pay compensation) as they prepare to advertise the position again in a few months. Said it would be unfair not to advertise. At first I was excited that finally I get the opportunity to proof that I could do the job all along. I felt like it was a golden opportunity to redeem myself. But later I became really pissed. I felt like I was being taken advantage of again and I want to quit but not before my business generates more money. Please advise me how I should approach this situation. I have the mind to very politely decline the ‘filing in’ thing… citing current work load and all. but really what I wish I could express is ‘I am fine and I no longer want your job’… kind of take back and save my dignity… before they destroy it again with a new recruit after I have been doing the job/filling in for months. Just venting and seeking advise.
That’s great you’ve been working on your own business! Starting on the side is really smart. Sorry to hear you’re in an awkward situation again though, that sucks. Since your employer is trusting you to fill in for this role, you should tell them straight up that you want to be considered for the job as a promotion/replacement for what you’ve been doing. They can’t say you don’t have the skills to do the job if they are asking you to fill in for the role. That just wouldn’t make any sense. I think you approach them sooner rather than later in a serious yet positive – and definitely not hostile – way and explain clearly that you want to be considered for the promotion and why.
If they push back, then perhaps you should decline filling in and just keep going at your existing role until you have enough saved up to leave or jump to a new company. If you’re an hourly employee they shouldn’t be able to deny any overtime hours you’d have to put in to cover your existing responsibilities and those of this other role. If you’re a salary employee it’s tricker – most probably wouldn’t increase compensation for a temporary fill-in, but if you actually got a promotion, then they should certainly offer some type of bonus or pay increase. Best of luck and keep us posted!
If they do that to you again Margaret just walk out on the spot. As for the “acting/filling in” role, i would say “why am i only acting?” That implies that they’ve got somebody else lined up (or you’re the “insurance/back up option”). You’re obviously good enough for the position otherwise they wouldn’t have given you the position in the first place (albeit acting/filling in).
To ask you fill in i think is disrespectful. Why do you need to be “acting?” Why not just promote you permanantly?
Has anybody else ever been an “acting” in the position? If not then why should you? That would ring alarm bells for me.
Very well related Sydney.
Something that makes you post special is the added value of your evolving perspective and hte eventual outcome down the line..so often we consider snapshots without putting events in the real world context of an evolving career and an aging/growng process.
What kills me is I have lived through something very similar and I would venture to guess that the story goes on without you in your previous place of employment.
This really is a function of Organisational Structure and new capitalist managerial theory… both of which I happen to be studying in a Theoretical capacity in a Business School ( I an an engineer by trade – doing a Business Strategy Msc part time ).
It strikes me that even the most modern ‘ post bureaucratic ‘ , ‘value centered’ models of how to run an organisation have still missed out on this very human experience of the reality of work. In fact, by flattening hierarchies and making Organisations flatter this apparent ‘injustice’ problem can really only get worse, as Power dynamics take over in the shadow of ‘progress’.
Fundamentally your manager should be dependent on you. In a small business , where all staff have direct contact with the owner, this interdependence is clear and the repercussions of injustice on the part of the manager/owner combined role are immediately apparent… Loose the trust of the staff, reduce ‘efficiency/effectiveness/quality…add any other management adjectives in vogue here ) .
Now assume the business takes off, and hierarchy is created between bottom and top, all of a sudden that interdependent link is broken, and now you manager’s pay is dependent on various human factors between him and whatever lies above him – presumably a function of present and past performance of his team – but there is nothing to say that he cant selectively apply his own form of justice to his team and tell another story upwards… his boss – lets pretend its the owner to avoid confusion – has lost objective understanding of who adds value where on the ground. It is in this grey area that Power plays take place that cause the kind of pain, confusion and anger that you so eloquently have expresses from your experience.
In no organisation that I have seen, are Managers TRULY dependent on the judgement of their team on their leadership abilities to and EQUAL degree that their staff are dependent on them for Justice, recognition,protection and motivation.
This leads to managers doing what they see fit to best get forward for themselves…because there is no counter incentive…. this is a huge oversight on the Part of the Organisation.
In summary , I’m all for hierarchy, but we need to balance the Power. Leaders should be laying down their reputations for their team to earn their trust and respect. They should be fully and transparently accountable for their actions, as experienced by their team.. to their supervisors , and potentially to the company as a whole.
For this is how group dynamics function in a social setting, where you cannot change friends like you can change company after using them somewhat for your own betterment.
Its an argument for real time social accountability, of the kind that exists organically in groups of under 50 people, set on a larger scale.
All the best for the future 🙂
Rob
Thanks for your long comment! Yes it has been quite a journey for me from the time before I wrote this post, sitting down and pouring out my feelings, to writing the follow ups after time passed by. Now that I can look back, I don’t regret what happened. It was unfortunate, but it gave me so many perspectives that I probably never would have had otherwise because I had been used to getting promotions prior to when I was denied. Life’s events shape our perspectives and futures in so many ways.
As for flat organizational structures – I have mixed feelings about them. I haven’t really worked in one, so I’m not sure how I would like it. I remember one of my old bosses (when our office was still small) asked me one on one what I thought about keeping our team flat. I said I preferred to have a hierarchy because having promotions, increasing responsibility/power, and pay raises to look forward to was a big part of what motivated me. I still think this way today.
I’d be curious to see how older employees feel about flat structures. I’m sure more younger workers are in favor of them because they are just starting out and would love to have equal footing. But older workers probably would prefer to have more power because of their greater experience. I’ll have to write a post about this sometime!
Very enlightened story. Sounds similar to a job I was at where I filled in for my boss when he was on a Honeymoon and there was an opening for an assistant position in our company. Turned out him and the upper boss hired someone for the position before my immediate boss left on his Honeymoon. When the boss came back, they “interviewed” me with no intention of giving me the job at all!! You want to talk about a shot below the belt. It destroyed me for years. It still bothers me a little to this day. The intense feelings I have about getting screwed over are still there. To make matters worse, I ended up finding out at lunch one day when the guy that was my boss announced to everyone at a local restaurant in my hometown “We hired (the other guy) before I got married so that when I came back we wouldn’t be scrambling to fill the position.” Basically telling people I was never going to be promoted despite doing everything humanly possible to win the job and show I would do a great job. Talk about public humiliation. I was mortified and quit my job within a short time after that. Unbelievable!!!
Wow, wow, wow. What a total a** your ex-boss was. I can’t believe he planned that out for one, and that he announced it is disgusting. I’m so glad to hear you were able to get out of there. You definitely deserve better than that!
I’ve been in that exact same position Ron so i exactly how you feel, i still get mad as hell today over what was done to me. The same as you plus a bit more too!
Thank you for sharing your experience. It made me feel so much better as I am going through the same experience at work, took them almost 2 months to arrange an interview for the position I applied for! Interviewed all bunch of external candidates before me, felt very unappreciated and just like a piece of nothing. After all my hard work with no line manager, took on many duties and responsibility to be told that I’m not good enough for this job – offered me a training instead of the real experience but didn’t get the job because of lack of experience (?) doesn’t make any sense to me!
Will be looking for a new job in 2016 as I’ll be moving home after Christmas and need financial stability for now. Well it’s time for a change after almost 9 years in this company, they have really crushed all the good in me and my loyalty is pretty much gone. Thanks again for this, it’s really good to read advice from someone not involved.
Hi Sylvie, thanks so much for your comment! You are definitely not alone! That’s great news you will be looking for a new job soon and can get more financial stability with your move. You deserve better! Don’t give up and best of luck!!
Enjoyed reading this.. I am at a crossroads right now at my job. 8 years here. 1 raise. No promotions. Was family owned and they sold out to a big corp this year. They have a bunch of positions they are hiring for, some of which will be above me. Was told 3 years ago that there would be opportunities for me, then 5 months later they hired someone. So I waited dealing with anything they threw at me. But for the last 3 months they are doing nothing but putting me on vacation coverage for anyone and everyone. Last week I covered 2 people and did my normal job.. Straw that broke the camels back. Looking for something that I will be appreciated at. May do a program for a certification. That would take a year as long as there is a light at the end of the tunnel I can deal with it another year.
Hi Mallorey! Sorry to hear about your situation. Being told there were opportunities and then having to face a new hire in a better role that you wanted must have been so hard for you. Augh that sucks. Sorry to hear the last several months have been really rough for you. I know what it feels to hit a wall.
I encourage you to pursue the certification if it will open up new opportunities for your future. One year isn’t too long! You should also read the e-book How To Engineer Your Layoff to plan out your exit and hopefully get some extra money to help you on your new adventure. Best of luck!
Thanks! Little update. I thought maybe .. Just maybe I was finally going to be appreciated when after months of vacation coverages sometimes doing 2 + my own work was going to pay off. One of the more higher up people came to me and said it had been noticed how things ran a little more smoothly on some accounts when I was handling them instead of my direct boss and the GM was aware. So I thought finally!
Well that was 2 months ago. Since then my direct manager got demoted (she really only had me and a part time employee reporting to her and it really made little sense in the first place) but she is still treated like she is in charge.
So I am left feeling used for vacation coverages because they knew I could do it the work would be done and I don’t need someone watching over my shoulder. What was said to me was said because they knew I was starting to get frustrated so did they think that would just make it all better? Obviously there isn’t a need for a manager if someone got demoted.
I just don’t know what to do, it takes everything I have to drag myself to work in the morning now but I can’t suffer a pay loss at this time.
It’s hard. I feel your frustration. Things don’t always go in a straight line in the working world. Since you can’t suffer a pay loss right now, keep trucking along as best you can in your existing job and start looking for new work aggressively in your free time. Network as best you can and keep trying. Q1 is generally a great time to to job hop. Best of luck!
Similar happened to me 2 years ago. I had all the good reviews, recommendations, awards, and had been promoted in the past because I was able to achieve results. I was led to believe i was in line for promotion. A new younger director came in and several managers retired. Younger individuals were promoted. My reviews were lowered. I went no where. i had all the same emotions. I hired a job coach and got professional counseling. I realized that it wasn’t all about me. Sure we can all improve but if the bar keeps changing then you are like a hamster on a treadmill. Keep in mind sometimes a new management has a different agenda and you may never reach your goals then. Different generations will have different perspectives. I have channeled my energy to opportunities outside of work and found new strengths and abilities that I previously didn’t think of.
I’m currently in the same boat also. I’ve applied for several promotions within my department that I’ve been in for 6 years (13+ years in organization total). But I’ve been denied every single time. I’ve been working towards get promoted, and they know I want a promotion. They are not guiding me at all, but I’m doing what I can to get promoted even if I’m not doing exactly what they need me to do since like I said – they’re not guiding me at all. I found out that those in the position of where I’d like to be didn’t even have the experience that I do now when they were hired. What the f—in’ hell???? I guess this is my venting thing. Anyways, I’m looking outside of the organization because clearly they are not seeing me in their future. It’s their loss. This type of leadership I feel is like a cancer, and it’s only going to get worse if it’s not taken out.
Hi Bub. Augh, so sorry to hear about your situation. It is SO frustrating!! A little venting is healthy – it will motivate you to find a better firm where you admire the leadership and can get the promotion you’re after. Best of luck and don’t give up!
I know exactly what you mean bub. And i completely agree with you.
To treat people like that is just wrong, it also tells you all you need to know about the person that treats you like that.
Thank you for the post. I am in same boat. We are a team including 4 men and I am the only women working since 2011. I work for a big bank in corporate office. I am just 1 level below manager position while all my peers are managers. Last year I did get a great feedback and despite of my 1st pregnancy my rating was really good “very strong” (2nd to highest rating “exceptional”) I was expecting a promotion because of all praises and appreciation in management meetings. But my Manager and his Boss moved to different group at a very wrong time. When I spoke about my promotion to New Manager he told me I need to be exception twice (that’s the rating he received to get promotion)…!! This was so disappointing to hear…now I know for sure all folks across company doesn’t have to be exceptional to get promoted. Also you need an opportunity to get that kind of recognition. Its just His way of thinking that person should be promoted when he /she is exceptional when calibrated against peers. That being said, I believe its a calculated decision who gets promotion and ratings are just a paperwork to make that happen. I really felt discriminated, hurt and disappointed. Finally i realized I will leave company after 15 months and by that time I will establish my business and be a owner and will do something of my own!! I have no energy to waste on following-up that hard which will not be worthwhile if thats given to me after so much pain and follow ups. I am not quitting instead want to take higher road! This is mid year review time I am already feeling unappreciated, now good or bad feedbacks from peer doesn’t matter anymore. I just want to do my best sustain the respect I have earned and move on!
So sorry to hear about what you went through. Augh I know exactly how frustrated you feel. Sounds like your new boss was making excuses and trying to just make himself look good by keeping budgets low or something like that. Lame!
Good for you for using the fire in your belly to start preparing an exit and wanting to branch out on your own. If entrepreneurship is one thing – it’s work where more dedication and hustle have a direct correlation to success. Unlike in the mainstream corporate world where a lot of times those who don’t work as hard are rewarded just as equally and there is lots of gender wage gap discrimination and office politics. Best of luck with your plan preparations! You should also consider getting paid to quit your job – I did!
Hi Syd,
Glad to see things finally worked out for you. I am going through the same thing at the moment, except my boss was supposed to leave.. I went for the interview, was shortlisted and it was announced that I would start acting in that position, and on the Monday morning that I was supposed to start acting, I received a call from the big chief saying ‘sorry, …… changed his mind and he is not leaving anymore’. The minute I met up with him and he opened his mouth, it was lies and lies and lies.. and it has never stopped.. Eventually transferred out of the region and went for professional counselling. To no avail. and then recently handed in my resignation. Not that I have another job, but I have options. This came after another regional managers position opened up and all of the sudden they decided not to fill it again as it is more ‘convenient’ to run the province with less regional managers… I say it’s a whole load of BS from people who is in positions that they are supposed to be in…
I am really happy for you though. I know exactly what you went through.
Congrats on your promotion and all the best!
Thanks Martin! Gosh I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. That is awful they treated you like that. It’s good you got out of that toxic environment. Being treated like that isn’t healthy for anyone. Best of luck with your job search and hope you find a new job with trustworthy and respectful management soon! Hang in there!
Sydney, I would love to hear your reply to Eddie’s question posted on September 3rd 2014., I think there is a large population in Eddie’s position. What advise can you share?
Hi thanks for checking in. Please see above!
What tips would you have for someone who feels as though their entire career has been a series of screw jobs? I’m constantly getting praise over how smart and knowledgeable I am and how I’m an asset to the team, but not once has that ever translated into an even meager pay raise or promotion. I’ve moved departments but it’s all been lateral moves.
I can’t seem to find an job outside the company and feel trapped, unappreciated and demoralized. i’ve talked to my bosses about this and nothing’s come of it.
I can’t help but feel bitter and angry when i see that everyone that got promotions over me had their careers jump-started and are now in great positions, and I’m still in the same place I was 5 years ago. It feels like entire career paths were stolen from me.
My advice would be first not to beat yourself up about the past. Careers are a learning process and sometimes we don’t realize until many years into a job that things aren’t going to work out the way we want. Even though many younger people hop companies every 1-3 years, there are those of us who stay for much much longer at one firm. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with staying at a company for longer than that if things are going well or if you can’t risk losing income at the time. When it comes to careers and promotions things typically just don’t move that quickly. 5 years at one place isn’t too long for you though, so don’t lose hope on turning your career around!
It sounds like either your manager doesn’t have enough pull within the company to give you more pay and a promotion, or perhaps your manager wants to promote you but more senior management doesn’t, or (please don’t take offense) potentially your manager may feel that you’re not as strong as your colleagues but simply doesn’t have the balls to tell you that.
Since people around you are getting promotions and you’re not, there’s something wrong and it’s not right for your manager not to explain that. Your feelings of being bitter and angry are totally understandable. I know exactly how you feel. And management owes you an explanation. If they are promoting others and not you, but aren’t giving you any reasons why, that’s not right.
Start looking for a new job if you can. Hiring tends to be good in February and March, so I hope you can find something. Just remember that if you get an interview, avoid bashing your current employer b/c that will scare away the hiring manager. Always aim to keep things positive.
Even though it may feel like you’re still in the same place, you have come farther than that. Make a list of all the things you’ve learned and completed over those 5 years, and use that as fuel to find a new job.
Best of luck and never give up!!
Eddie i know you feel bud.
Next time your boss gives you a good appraisal for your experience and knowledge, just say “well come the next promotion(s) we’ll find out just how good and honest the appraisal is”.
That way you diplomatically put the ball in his court (What your really saying is “i’m fed up of being passed over and don’t appreciate your rather insulting token appraisals, i deserve better what are you gonna do about it?”). Essentially your challenging him to back his words up with actions.
Being passed over once is bad enough, twice (unless there’s a bloody good reason!) is a real kick in the nuts. Anymore than that and they’re never going to promote you. And don’t put up with all that “you’re an asset to the team bullshit”, that’s just a euphemism for saying “We don’t value you as promotion, but you do a good job”. It’s patronising and disrespectful.
You deserve better, maybe you should just come out and say to your boss “why is is everybody else getting promoted and i’m not?” (might be an idea to make sure you’ve got another job to go to first, just in case he doesn’t like it).
You’re entitled to some answers, you’ve been more than loyal and more than patient.
I like this post. Yeah i got screwed too. It hurt like hell, like a painful divorce or a death. I literally had to see a therapist to get back on my feet. Even better help came from talking it through with a trusted family member who, after validating my hurt and the screwed-up, helped me keep my focus on the bigger picture. Very similar to the steps suggested in this post. I had to understand what I wanted from the promotion, and how i could get it without the promotion. I realised i wanted financial independence, so yes the raise. Being a seasoned entrepreneur, he offered to immediately accompany me on the journey towards financial independence throught the entrepreneural route. Still pumped up fromt the screw-up, i raised the requisite finances pretty quickly and my the journey has just began, barely three months from the screw up. i told my therapist i wasnt interested in talking about the screw up anymore, as i was now really focused on something else. Right now I feel liberated and still fired up. I dont give too much of myself to my employer anymore, just the minimum acceptable. And eventhough i still feel upset when i think about the screw up, i also feel the positive vibes about it because it forced me into focusing on gettiing what i really wanted. This is my experience.
Thanks for sharing your experience Margaret. I’m glad you were able to talk to people to get through those awful days. And that’s fabulous news that you’re taking advantage of your situation now and turning things around for yourself. Best of luck with your new journey!
Thanks alot Sydney for your encouragement! One thing I forgot to mention and that helped me tremendously was my faith which emphasizes forgiveness and emphathy with others. I confess i still struggle with that one, but just being always conscious of it means less time spent in the ‘negativity’ zone.
I am just going trough a very similar situation and it’s being very hard to overcome. I really wanted to get promoted and I thought I was the obvious choice. I am sure my boss screwed me. I was very committed to my job but after this situation I don’t anymore. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Hello AI P. I feel you totally. See my post below for my experience. It is hard to overcome, but you will. My experience has been tha times like this are like a cross-roads. You have to move forward and out of that spot. Take your time to decide how to move forward, and start to put in action a plan to do that. You may just surprise yourself.
Al P,
I know exactly how you feel, the same thing happened to me.
Thanks for your post, I too was passed up for an opportunity at work. I worked so amazingly hard, staying over when they needed help, volunteering for weekends when they couldn’t fill gaps in the schedule. As far as my job itself, I was the one with the highest production and had the most seniority. The missed opportunity came as a shock when they hired someone who had been there for 9 months, that never volunteered to stay over, that never showed initiative to work weekends to help out. I was in shock to say the least. My manager tried finding out what was wrong with me and my response was everything was fine. He called me in his office saying my behavior was unacceptable. I suppose it was because I gave him a half ass answer, saying things were fine and assumed my work responsibilities. When I was in his office, I let the water works out saying how hurt I was. I hyperventilate every time I cry, so it was extremely awful, not to mention embarrassing on my part. I managed to calm down and tell him how extremely hurt, and mortified I was. I told him I am a strong worker and my heart and soul goes into everything I do, that it bothered me that they didn’t even look at that. I can tell, by the look in his eyes that he felt horrible about it and next week he is interviewing me for another supervisor role.
I feel for you! I know exactly how it feels to break down like that even though that’s the last thing you want to do. Good for you for getting it all out there, and letting your boss know how much it bothered you. Best of luck with landing that supervisor role!
Megan, I think your boss was an absolute idiot for asking “what was wrong with you?” What the hell did he think was wrong! And to then say that “your behaviour was unacceptable” was way out of line (i think i might have lost it with him).
Did this other “supervisor” position you were interviewed for just “come up?” Or was it already there? More to the point did you actually get the position? Or was it just a token interview to try and placate you?
It doesn’t matter what he does, he’ll never undo the damage he did to you or the pain and hurt he caused you (i know that from experience), the fact is at the first opportunity he passed you over for a position which you should have rightly got for somebody with nowhere near the experience and knowledge that you have (again a situation i have experience of).
You were not his first choice, and that can never be undone. My advice is Never i repeat NEVER trust this person. If they’ve done it to you once they can do it again.
Do what is right for you, you don’t owe this person anything. Go and work somewhere where you are wanted and valued, where you haven’t been passed over. If you stay where you are it’s always going to leave a bitter taste in your mouth (and rightly so).
Personally i don’t listen to what people say, i listen to what they don’t say, i also watch people’s actions rather than their words (the old saying is true). Actions really do speak louder than words, and your bosses actions say it all.
He didn’t even have the basic professional courtesy or respect to even tell you. Do you really want to work for someone who treats you so badly like that?
You’re worth a lot more than that, and you deserve better than that, much better.
Sydney,
Thanks for the article. You nailed every emotion, in order, of what I felt and by blind luck, I’ve did most of your suggestions.
My question is this, how do I address in interviews being an assistant manager for 3 years and a co-worker being promoted to manager of the group? Yes, my boss has told me privately he screwed me and while it was no fault of my own, there was nothing that could be done now and perhaps if I keep working hard one day in the future I’ll get another opportunity.
Thanks for reaching out. I wouldn’t bring it up on your own that your coworker was promoted and you weren’t. It’s unlikely your interviewers will know that just based on your resume. If it were to come up in the interview however, definitely keep it positive. If you bash your boss or your coworker in the interview, that only makes yourself look bad. Talk about the skills you’ve been working on and what your ambitions and goals are. Hang in there and don’t give up. There will be other opportunities!
I loved your descriptions of how you felt..i felt the exact same way !
I am a former teacher and had this experience of being let go from a school. I went through all of these emotions. The important part is that we keep moving forward. I love your list of steps to handle this and I am sure it will come in handy for me in the future. Best wishes on your future endeavors!
Quite the post Sydney!
I’m totally with you, the only loyalty we owe is loyalty to our selves. Corporate loyalty is a bunch of BS! As someone who’s passionate about their work doesn’t get what they deserve is unfortunate – you certainly handled it better than I would. In the end, like you said, “spit out the bad taste in your mouth and move on. “
Yeah. I’m glad I don’t plan on doing this for 30 more years! I think time heals all wounds and also makes us smarter to put ourselves first and move on.
Sounds dreadful! Well however and waiting and presenting this post professionally! Must by terribly hard. I’ve been rejected for a promotion before, but it wasn’t nearly as soul crushing as this sounded.
Keep up the hard work, it’ll always win out!
Thanks Jamie. I’ve got my eye on the future and won’t let this one failure keep me from breaking free. I think it will actually make it easier for me to make my exit when that time comes!
That sucks. It’s clear you are passionate about your work, and have taken this personally. Realistically, since this things affect us as individuals, it is personal – right? Having said that, It seems to me like you have a good handle on this actually, and are poised to leverage this experience into reaching even bigger goals.
Anyway, I like your tips. A couple that jump out to me are:
2) Don’t get emotional in public. I agree with this, as composure is important in the workplace when it comes to getting respect. I saw one woman get very emotional about not getting promoted to becoming a senior-level manager, and her boss’s boss didn’t like it one bit from what I heard 2nd hand. Apparently, after seeing her get emotional, he remarked that she wasn’t emotionally ready to be promoted. Period. Soon after, she left the organization. She was nice and VERY smart – and hard working – but that wasn’t enough to overcome the rigid barrier that she helped set for herself. I use this memory as something to learn from vicariously.
6) Strategize next moves. Absolutely, we need to plan ahead and think things through.
8) Networking. Yes, that gives us options and more control over our future. We must network, and do so even well before we actually need the network.
As for me, I’ve been suprised by some things that have happened in the past. One that jumps out is a boss that I absolutely believe with very little doubt talked negatively about me to someone in the company that could have hired me. The job would have been a promotion AND a really great career opportunity in other ways. However, I’m also pretty sure my boss did NOT want to lose me, as she wasn’t happy in the first place that I was interested in pursuing that position. Bottom line is that I think she blocked me from getting serious consideration for that role because of her own selfish reasons.
Now, this was many years ago, but I still remember how angry I was. But once we let the anger pass, we can look at it rationally and then strategize. Ultimately, I got another position outside of her team and it was a promotion, so it worked out to some degree. Though it took at least 6 months more, if I recall right.
Thanks Squirrelers. Yeah I definitely took it personally. Yikes about that woman who got shut down for being too emotional. Makes sense though. The higher up we get the more stable we need to be and able to handle more pressure and things that go wrong.
Oh man that must have been so tough when your ex-boss said bad things. Totally sounds like she didn’t want to lose you but that’s messed up she did that and very unprofessional. A good manager should always respect their employees best interests. I’m glad you were able to get out and do better things after that!
Wow, bummer. I know exactly how you feel. I am in a similar place at work, although it’s not about a promotion rather than general trust issues. I’ve got a boss who constantly praises my work but acts really shady as if there are trust issues between us at times. I feel as though she may have multiple personalities (seriously) and it’s making me really uneasy at that place. I’m sorry to hear that you got denied. Let’s hope something good comes out of it one way or another.
That is a bizarre situation you’re in. Document as much as you can and try to catch her on her good days. Sounds like she has control issues too.
And thanks for your support. I’m hoping for the best and have learned a lot from this experience.
That’s horrible. I’m sorry it happened but at least it got you on the path to get what you’re worth whether it be at another firm or you heading out on your own. Good luck and keep us posted.
Thanks Lance. Yes, true true. It was a good kick in the pants to get me to re-prioritize and take back more time for myself. I’m already enjoying working fewer hours!
***I’m also going to keep on my entrepreneurial untemplate trek, save as much money as I can, and then get the heck out of there! All my feelings of loyalty were blown up in this process and I’m focused on doing what’s best for me now.***
That is the money quote. Wow. Nice~!
Labor/compensation is a function of availability (not adding value, longevity, or loyalty). The company has made a decision, and is willing to risk losing you. Really sorry this happened to you, and admire your action plan. I do believe that all business is personal, and you are entitled to feeling as you do, but I wonder if your boss really intended to “screw you over.” That is a pretty personal accusation, and if your boss had another explanation (zero-sum promotions, upcoming reorg, available workload not meshing with a title change, etc.) would your boss agree with your assessment? If so, then you have to leave (if not the firm, then from under his direction). If not, then why not? Something to think about. Keeping good thoughts for you, on your journey this year.
Thanks! I find it intriguing what you said about “labor/compensation is a function of availability.” That’s unfortunately quite true. Did my boss intend to make me so mad that I would want to quit on the spot, probably not, but I do think he thought he could get away with not promoting me in this round and that I wouldn’t react the way I did. I’ve talked to a few of my close colleagues and they are shocked at how things turned out too.
It’s definitely been a big learning experience for me and one that I will never forget. It’s certainly been a reminder that nothing is certain in life and it’s always good to have a plan B and C in the works. Even though this year got off to a rocky start, I’m going to push through and turn things around for the better. I’m really looking forward to taking all of my vacation!
Oh, my goodness. I was angry, sad and frustrated with you the whole way! I am so sorry you got passed up. Let us know how you proceed.
Thanks for your support Kathleen. It sure has been tough on me! I’m updating my resume and browsing job listings already so we’ll see. Job hunting is quite time consuming, but I owe it to myself to put myself out there and prioritize some time to search at least for a month or two. I’ll definitely keep you posted if I take any big steps!
Having worked in HR for 10 years, I can say that you’re absolutely right to forget loyalty to a company and put loyalty to your own career first. It made me furious to see undeserving people promoted over others, not to mention the pay disparities… Employees need to actively manage their careers; do good work for your employer, build a stellar reputation, keep your resume updated, and always have your eye on the job market. Even if you’re not ready to move, knowing the availability of jobs and their pay help you decide whether to stay or go when you do get screwed over, and if you forward openings to old colleagues, it really helps strengthen your network.
Good luck. The first time this happened to me, I spent 2 more years working myself into the ground thinking they would eventually reward me. The second time it happened, I kicked up my job search, wound up with 4 offers and increased my salary by 25%.
Thanks for your kind words Jackie. I recently found out about a pay disparity between 2 people with the same amount of work experience, one woman and one man, and it put a rock in my stomach to hear how much less the woman was getting. Fortunately though she finally spoke up about her compensation so she was able to get a raise! It really makes me want to slap the men in management who think it’s okay to pay women less money, and those who say glass ceilings don’t exist. I think things are getting better, but there’s still a long way to go.
Nice job on increasing your salary by 25%, wow that’s huge! Jumping firms is definitely a great time to negotiate higher pay. I don’t plan to move companies unless I can benefit financially.
Women are also much, much less likely to negotiate their salaries, which has a huge impact over time. Except for the most entry level positions, I always offer less than the max because most people will negotiate (it can really derail a hiring process if you offer the max upfront; people feel cheated/insulted if you refuse to budge). In my experience, almost every man – from junior to experienced – counter offers, but maybe 30% of women do. We need to teach our friends and daughters that it’s standard to negotiate.
Yes yes yes! Great perspective Jackie, thanks. Ladies if you’re reading this please know your worth and stand up and ask for it!! You will be glad you did!
On the positive side, this disappointment liberates to you no longer put in insanely crazy schedules. Instead of 180 percent, your company and your boss may only get 110 percent (always more than a hundred percent, because that’s what quality professionals do).
Yes, I agree. I’m not working weekends or 12-14+ hour shifts after this mess! I feel happy going home now instead of feeling guilty leaving unfinished work at the office.
Sydney, this may very well be the best post you’ve ever written. I can feel everything you are feeling and I agree with your steps.
Anybody who works long enough WILL be disappointed at some point in their careers. I’ve had three major disappointments in mine, and I kept on going until I found my salvation online. Because of the downturn, and the fact my industry was declining, I wanted to do something else anyway. The key is to try and keep going.
These are the circumstances where managers SCREW THEMSELVES OVER b/c they played a game of chicken (underpaid, not promoted) and lost. Now you’re going to be motivated to find something else to do or not work those ridiculous 18 hour days anymore.
Everything happens for the better, and I see this event as terrific fire for you to save more, create more, and move one step closer to the Untemplate lifestyle.
All the best!
Sam
Wow Sam, thank you! I still have to take long deep breaths when I’m at work so I don’t get irritated thinking about it. But I’m getting better with each day that passes.
Yeah I am ready to keep going because I want to milk every benefit I have for what it’s worth while I still have them, do the minimum without getting a performance hit on my next review, and maximize more of my time outside the office to work on my other interests and income streams. And I’m trying to focus on my end game and if it takes hopping to one more company before I get there, so be it.
Failure can be very motivating, especially to push us to try new things and focus on the future.
I remember two years ago, I scored a HUGE transfer that I had gotten passed over for the year before. We were talking about double the annual salary (to about $20k). I had been working in the new position for 1 week when the owners decided to do away with the position and roll the responsibilities into the HR job. I don’t think I actually managed to get any work done the rest of the day.
Oh my gosh, I would have lost it if that happened to me, especially since they pulled a bait and switch within a week of telling you that you got that transfer. What terrible, disorganized, and irresponsible management. I’m so sorry to hear you had to go through that. I don’t think I would have been able to get any work done for at least a week probably two!
Sucks. Sucks a lot. It’s great your being so level-headed about it. Way back when my boss first told me no for a pay raise, I had to do what you say in #1, which is, don’t leave that office until you’ve asked questions and gotten some good reasons. Eventually my boss gave me good reasons. A week later I went back into his office, with answers to his reasons, and he couldn’t refuse. I got my raise. Not being flying off the handle and just sticking with the facts really helps.
Thanks TB. Phew I tell ya it’s taken me some time to get level headed! 🙂 I was a roller coaster of sad, angry, insulted, PO’d, grouchy, etc for many days.
That is so smart that you were persistent with your boss, followed up, and got your raise. I think that’s fantastic! I love hearing stories like yours when people decide to take action and get results.