My parents have never been good with money. They were constantly borrowing from their own parents to get bills paid. It wasn’t something they were proud of and they always emphasized they never wanted me to end up in their situation and have to rely on money from friends or family to survive. They said money would drive a wedge between our relationships and create a tremendous amount of tension. For this reason, I’ve never borrowed money from anybody, even when I was broke, or so I thought.
After my freshman year of high school, I wanted out. I was bullied by a couple kids and just couldn’t stand it. On top of the teasing and tormenting, there were constantly cat-fights and knife fights in the hallways and in the courtyard at lunch. Our principal put up metal detectors, but the weapons still kept coming. I wanted to go as far away as possible where kids didn’t walk around school hating the world and where I didn’t have to fear for my own safety walking to my next class.
My Single Mother
My mother is a clerical worker who was making about $26,000 a year at that time. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for us to live a decent life in our area. When I told her about my fears walking through the halls and my dream to go to a different school, she was so shocked at what I was dealing with that she immediately started searching for the best private schools I could go to. My grades were good enough to transfer, and she found an all girls school that looked promising. The campus was gorgeous, and the students were actually smiling and normal! The only (and rather huge) problem was that it cost $20,000 a year, which was an inconceivable amount of money to my mom.
The only chance I had to be able to go there was for me to apply for a need based scholarship. A couple months and a lot of prayers later, I found out that I had been awarded a sizable scholarship for three years if I participated in extra curriculars and kept my grades up! It was an amazing feeling, but it still meant my parents had to come up with roughly $24,000 that they weren’t prepared for. My mother talked to my dad, who lived a few states away, and decided that even if they ended up in bankruptcy, it would be worth it for my safety and my future.
What I didn’t realize then was that I was violating the very principal that my parents taught me. I was essentially doing what they advised me not to do by borrowing money from them because I wanted out of the public school system! Even though I was a teenager, I didn’t know any of the details of either of my parent’s financial situation because they never wanted to talk about money. I knew private school was expensive, but I had no idea how much that kind of tuition money was asking of them given their situation.
When you make only $26,000 a year, it’s not easy to set aside more than one (let alone two) hundred dollars a month especially since my mother had a mortgage, credit card debt, stacks of medical bills, food, clothing and other basic necessities to pay. After taxes and health insurance, her take home pay was probably only around $1,500 a month, maybe even less. I had no idea at the time because she refused to reveal her income range to me until well after I graduated from college.
Thankful Then And More So Now
I don’t know where I’d be now if I had stayed back in my local high school. What I do know is that those few years I spent at private school changed me completely. My confidence started to go up, I actually looked forward to going to school, I could actually leave my backpack out in the halls with 100% certainty it wouldn’t get stepped on or stolen (it wouldn’t have lasted 30 seconds at my old school!), and the quality of the teachers and the curriculum was mind boggling in comparison to my old school.
I had all the help in the world from the guidance counselor for my college applications, and it paid off. I studied like mad for scholarships, got into the state school I wanted, learned how to network, and used those connections and the knowledge I gained to launch my career. It was also where I found my best friend, who is like a sister to me.
For these reasons, I’m so thankful for my mother’s sacrifice, and that she believed that school was what I needed. Both she and my dad even managed to help pay for half of my college education together through government loans, and I worked part-time during college while I paid for the other half on my own. Now that I know how difficult it was for them to scrape by all those years to pay for my education, I’m working even harder to give back to them, little by little.
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Your mom is wonderful! I am glad that you are able to appreciate her sacrifice and strive because of it. My parents have been exceedingly generous to me as well, even in times when I wasn’t asking and was willing to struggle through. I can understand that because I am their child, they wanted to be able to help me even though it was hard for them. I feel very much like you – a large part of my drive is, to not only repay them, but to show them appreciation, and care. A large part of my financial plan is to ensure I can take care of my parents as they get older – so they can live out the rest of their lives peacefully.
Having supportive parents is priceless and it feels good to help them out. Whenever I visit my parents I always help them fix things around the house and I love taking them out to dinner. Your parents are lucky that you care for them so much and are making plans to help support them as they age. A lot of people don’t include any costs for caring for their parents in their financial goals and it can lead to a lot of stress later. Nice job being proactive!
I always find it interesting when I run across Countries like Romania where the post-secondary education is decent and free. Unfortunately, we pay a hefty “user” fee, but you’re still right, it’s worth so much more than what it gets you… it also helps shape you.
Wow, I didn’t know that about Romania! That is fantastic that they offer that. Wow!
Of-course they did! the culture I grew up in is so different. I started saving for my kids education even without having any child yet. In Indian culture family values matters so much differently than what I see here.
I have a few Indian friends and their families are so close knit and they are really supportive of each other. That’s impressive that you already started saving for your children’s education before even having kids, that’s good parenting!
You are truly lucky Sydney to have a Mother that shared with you the gift of an education. I teach Middle School Science so I guess you can say that I am passionate about a good education. I talk with my students often about the importance of education and how it allows one to have choices and opportunity. I use the analogy that an education is like a bank account, you make deposits today with the knowledge that you will be able to draw upon it in the future.
I didn’t know you’re a teacher Paul, that’s fabulous! Science was always one of my favorite subjects in school, especially Chemistry because my teacher had an iguana in the classroom. I got to help take him out on walks to the library which was tons of fun. I’ve loved iguanas and lizards ever since.
Your students are lucky that you take the time to help them realize how important education is from a young age. It makes me so happy when I hear about teachers like yourself who are passionate about what they do and in helping students!
What a story! Interesting you were repeating what you vowed not to do (borrow from parents), the good thing is you worked hard and made their investment worthwhile. Don’t think I would have survived at your public school. Wow, you really do get what you pay for. It’s great you and your parents were resourceful and obtained loans and scholarships to assist with the unexpected expenses. Thanks for sharing!
It was definitely worth all the paperwork, researching, and applications for loans and scholarships for me to be able to get out of my public high school. I feel blessed that I was able to experience both ends of the educational spectrum even though I had to go through some scary times. I had a great experience in public school in elementary and most of middle school so I know there are some great public schools out there. Having to deal with a bad high school really made me appreciate private school SO much. If I’d been in private school since kindergarten I don’t think it would have had as big of an impact on me emotionally b/c it would be all I’d have known.
Wow, what an amazing story. You are so fortunate that your mom was willing to give you such an amazing education, and your mom is so fortunate to have an appreciative and well-put-together daughter.
A lot of personal finance bloggers talk about the “ROI” of school, which is an issue I disagree with. A great school is priceless — it gives you confidence, broadens your perspective, and shapes your character. You can’t quantify those things. As you said, your high school was instrumental in making you the person you are today. I felt the same way about my high school — I also went to an all-girls private high school (though the pricetag was only $5,000 a year) and it was critical in turning me into the person I am today.
You’re so thoughtful Paula, thank you! $5,000/year is really good value for an all-girls private high school! That makes me happy to hear it had such a positive impact on your life. If I ever have a daughter I will highly consider putting her in an all-girls school for middle and high school because of the way all-female classes boost confidence, encourage girls to speak up, and help them believe that they can do anything and don’t have to be boxed into a certain lifestyle or feel inferior to boys in the classroom or workplace. Girl power! 🙂
$5,000/year is good value! I hope prices won’t inflate so much so that by the time 2 year olds go to high school and college in 12-16 years, it won’t be prohibitive!
Thanks for sharing this story Sydney. Your family is clearly a very caring, close-knit unit. The great thing is that they skillfully gave you so much financial support, but didn’t spoil you in the process. You appreciate their sacrifice, and show it by pursuing a successful career and life.
My parents would have done the same for me. But it was not necessary. My school in suburban Australia was tough, but there were no knives. It was an honest public & free education. College was also very low cost for me, and I was able to pay my tuition out of part-time job earnings.
Come to think of it, my parents rarely gave me money. I recall the opportunity to attend a scout jamboree, that was going to cost $400. My parents said I could go, if I could raise the money. I sold chocolates for months to get there. Tough love, but a valuable lesson.
I always find it fascinating hearing what schools are like overseas. I’m glad you didn’t have to deal with knives at yours and that you were able to attend an affordable college. College tuition prices are getting out of control in the US, even the state schools. Your parents were smart to teach you about working hard at a young age. $400 is a lot of money to raise on your own as a kid! That’s awesome you reached your goal!
I went to private school my entire life. I went away to a prep school in the 7th grade. I learned a lot from fellow students. I learned a lot about success, discipline and determination. My parents supported education because they saw its worth. I think the prep school experience and college added to my arsenal of skills.
7th grade is a young age to go away to prep school. That must have helped you grow up quick and made going to college a lot easier since you were used to living away from home. That’s excellent your parents were so supportive of your education. And I love that you’re helping the next generation of students as a teacher!
Thanks for sharing your story Sydney. Your mom rocks! I would do the same and spend all I could afford to be able to provide the best education for my kids.
The problem is that good institutions know this, which is why they charge so much in tuition!
I was really lucky to have had that opportunity. I loved public school all through elementary and most of middle school but my old high school was the straw that broke the camel’s back. No kid or teen should have to go through fears of being attacked while going from class to class. I encourage anyone who thinks a good education is out of their reach not to give up. There are some great scholarship and grant programs out there. Its worth the effort to be persistent and apply!!