There was a time when I got everything wrong. I was afraid to speak up, afraid to fight back, and afraid to dream. The fear that held me back was the fear of losing everything. What if my parents disapproved? What if I fought back and got beaten up? What if I chased my dreams only to realize I’d wasted my time? These thoughts weighed on me constantly as I grew up in foreign countries, surrounded by unfamiliar faces.
One day during recess in the 4th grade, I was picked to play right forward because of my speed. Just as I was about to strike the ball into the goal, a boy from the Netherlands swept my legs and slide-tackled me from behind. I screamed in agony as my back twisted and my arms flailed. As I lay on the ground, he stood over me and smirked, “Better luck next time, Sam.” He was bigger than most of us, constantly tripping and hitting others, and nobody ever stood up to him.
But something inside me snapped as he mocked me while I was still in pain. As he walked away, laughing and high-fiving his teammates, I charged at him like a bull. I grabbed his shirt collar and yanked him to the ground. Even then, he lay there smirking. That’s when I stomped his solar plexus with my heel and shouted, “Laugh at this, you cheater!”
He couldn’t breathe for 30 seconds, squirming on the ground while everyone gathered around. But nobody intervened. A teacher finally arrived, grabbed both of us, and dragged us to detention.
Our punishment was to stand facing the wall for 30 minutes, silent. After 15 minutes, my enemy broke the silence with three words: “I am sorry.” From that day on, we became friends. And after that, nobody dared mess with me again.
THE PEOPLE YOU SHOULD BE MOST AFRAID OF
Ever since the 4th grade incident, I’ve decided to never back down if my honor is being insulted or if I or my friends are being physically attacked. At the same time, I promised to do my best never to be a prick and bully others. There were several more fighting instances that transpired in high school and college, but interestingly, we always made up and ended up respecting each other.
They say nature vs. nurture. In this incidence, nurture definitely played a role in who I am today. It’s the self-confidence to stand up for what I believe in, and to care less about the repercussions, in this case a bloody nose, that has given me the courage to just continue going, no matter what.
The people you should be most afraid of are the people who have nothing to lose. They’ve already hit rock bottom and no matter what happens to them, things can’t get possibly worse. These are the people you don’t want to mess with.
situations Where You Don’t Want To Mess With People
Work: Someone hates his job and wants to quit anyway. He’s not going to get a severance and is ready to take down and call out every single person who he feels has wronged him. Stay out of his way because he will send out that “F U” blast e-mail to the world and name names if you cross him!
Sports: Your opponent isn’t going to the post season, so they are going to swing with abandon. They are often times your most worthy adversary. How many times have you see those who play for their honor crush the favorites?
Love: Hell has no fury like a woman scorned. If she’s going to lose you, she’s going to make you pay. Know your woman well, because if you betray her, watch out! In this day of social media, your reputation will get dragged through the mud in a nanosecond.
Online: If you are depending solely on your online income to survive, then you have a tremendous amount to lose. You are a slave to Google and depend on the community in which you surround yourself with. If you make enemies online, you are literally cutting off each metatarsal, one by one until you have nothing left!
There are entitled, mean, and thoughtless people everywhere. The more you interact with others, the more you will realize how many low quality people there are in the world.
Beware Of Those Who Have Nothing To Lose
Financial advisers tell young folks to invest aggressively, early, and often. They don’t have much and if they lose 50% of their wealth in a market meltdown, it’s OK, since they have a lifetime to make that money back. On the flip side, financial advisers tell older individuals to be more conservative with their money, especially if they are nearing retirement or in retirement because they don’t have that time optionality.
The people who should be most afraid are those that have the most to lose. It’s why you see a a bewilderment of studies where even though an individual may have $25 million+ in assets, they still do not feel secure and need an extra 25% more!
The more you have, the more you are afraid of losing it all! You end up buying insurance for this and that, just to give you peace of mind that your fortune will always be around.
The people who should be most afraid are those who continue to hang on to things which are impermanent. Let things go. It is already in the past, so it does not exist.
WHAT IS ONE SUPPOSED TO DO?
Part of the reason why I’ve been able to grow Financial Samurai is because I have never depended on the site for money. The money is either given away to charity, sent to someone I care about, or never touched. The writing on my site is predominantly just me and friends of the Financial Samurai community. It’s a place where we can pontificate and discuss matters of the mind.
I’ve probably denied a hundred sponsored posts over the past several years because the writing just sucks, and I have no patience for spending an hour re-writing and editing their post for money. Ironically, because I just write about whatever I want, advertisers consistently come out of the woodwork, and readership continues to grow.
If Financial Samurai got black-balled by Google one day, I would be very disappointed. But, the disappointment is not so much from the money, but from the fact that less people can find my articles, learn, comment and interact on things which I think are helpful, fun, and interesting. I write online because I love to write and connect with other people! Money is a distant second.
Even when it comes to money, what excites me more is not the $1,000 that hits the Paypal account from an advertisement deal, but the pursuit of the negotiation.
It gives me way more satisfaction to negotiate a deal for myself and for the Yakezie Network than to see more numbers in my account. The love for money is evil. I truly believe this. It’s OK to let money come after doing what you enjoy. Just don’t focus on it!
THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN IS A WALK IN THE PARK
There are those who become “yesmen” and “yeswomen” at work, never able to speak their mind for fear of being brushed aside and ridiculed. They depend on their job so much to survive that they never take risks in their career. I get that one needs to really listen intently for the first 5 years of work. But afterward? Please grow some courage to stand up to workplace bullies and object to things that are wrong.
It’s tantamount that everybody continues to save aggressively, so that one day, we can all develop the optionality to work only because we want to. When you can do things not for the money, I swear to you that the window you look out of gets clearer. When I went to business school part-time, it was an absolute joy learning because there was no grade disclosure! I never knew learning could be so much fun. It’s the same thing with work, when you no longer need to depend on your day job to survive.
If everything goes to hell, I’ll just pack my bags, sell most of my belongings and move to a paid-off house in Hawaii where the sun always shines and the walks in the park are free. I’ll continue to write online, again for the love of writing and connecting with people. The savings and passive income from savings and rental properties will continue to come in, and nobody can ever take that away from me.
If this is the worst that can happen, then I’m really not afraid of much. And since I’m not afraid of much, I’ve got nothing to lose. And since I’ve got nothing to lose, do you really want to mess with me? I will stomp your solar plexus if you go too far! Besides, I’m having way too much fun to let things bother me much anymore.
Once you let go of your desire for money, material possessions, status, and other beings, you start setting yourself free. I’m not there yet, however, I am trying.
Readers, who are the people you should be most afraid of? And who are the people who should be most afraid?
Regards,
Sam
Awesome post. This is actually reminds me of a similar situation when I first started work after college. I went directly into the mortgage business because I was always fascinated with real estate. My boss was always intimidating, and I could immediately pick out some flaws in some of the operational logistics. He would always make me do all the boring tasks, and really never gave me a chance to ‘close’ leads since I was ‘inexperienced.’
Finally one day, I had the guts to give him some ‘constructive criticism’ and feedback on some operational stuff, and we actually became business partners one year later 🙂
Ha, good story Kevin! And now you are an entrepreneur! How did all that come about? Perhaps Sydney would like to host and share your story about 9-to-5ever to SpringCoin owner!
Well I’m sure that story would be longer than I can write in this comment box, but I’d love to share my journey.
I wish I had stood up more for myself when I was younger! I didn’t, and I do regret it today. I for sure won’t let my kid make the same mistake. The thing is, even though school was sometimes rough for me, the real bullies were at home, not at school 😉 I still learned thanks to the example of seeing other people who had it worse and were still able to get through it.
I think the most dangerous person is one who feels that life is no longer living. They truly have nothing to lose, and nothing you could do or say can stop them.
P.S. Good on Joe’s points about alternatives… even if some things turn sour, there are other ways. I never expected this path to be stable; that’s why it’s called an adventure, right? 😉
That’s tough when the bullies are at home Kevin! I can’t imagine, as there is no escape. Ever run away from home before? I did.
The adventure is indeed what is most exciting!
Haha, yes, I did after an incident that involved alcohol, and it was the reaction I got when I returned home that caused me to leave for good. It hasn’t been easy at all but it was worth it!
Fantastic post, Sam! I, too, write my blog for the pure enjoyment of writing and potentially helping other people. I share my stories in hopes that others won’t make the same mistakes, etc. What I love most is having a creative outlet other than my F/T & P/T jobs.
I think those who should be most afraid are those who equate money with happiness. As you’ve alluded to, there’s so much more to life than money. I fear those who let money control their emotions, thoughts, decisions, and actions so much so that they lose out on living a rewarding, fulfilling life. Sure, we need money to have various basic functions such as housing and food, but we certainly don’t need money to define ourselves as individuals/create our destiny.
The creative outlet is wonderful isn’t it?
What I observe more online are those who are so focused on making money that they become very bitter towards anybody else who is. Maybe that’s how trolls are birthed?
It’s pretty amazing that you still feel that you have nothing to lose. I think that’s a great underdog attitude and I’m nearing that point too at work.
What’s the worse that can happen? I can always find some kind of job or start some small business. It’s not a big deal to change career.
At this point, I’m starting to rely on the online income a bit, but since it’s pretty small, it is easily replaceable. If I can’t make any money online, I can use the time to deliver pizza or work some other small part time job instead.
It’s really b/c my base case scenario if I can’t make any money doing anything is still a really good life in Hawaii imo. The majority of everything is free, it’s so wonderful! I hope you take the leap Joe!
Loved the post Sam! Reminds me of a comparison of N. Korea vs S. Korea. Even though SK is much more advanced than NK, SK will never attack NK despite NK egging them to and being a constant pain for the South Koreans.
The reason is simple. NK has nothing to lose in case of a war and SK has everything to lose. You always have to fear the one who is crazy and has nothing to lose.
The same can be said for India and Pakistan as well.
Thanks MC! That is a very good analogy. Don’t mess w/ N. Korea, even though the border is just 30 miles away from Seoul! The fallout will be huge!
Red Cards for you both! lol.. But you get a 3 match ban too.
It’s awesome that you are willing to give that extra money away. There are too many people who keep an iron grip on their money and will only use it to serve themselves.
I’m working on being better an sharing everything, not just money. It’s been a struggle, and will always be something I can improve on. Getting over the love of money and showing it off is huge for living a happy life.
Some of the happiest people I know wouldn’t be considered successful by the usual American standards, but they have their families and friends close, and that’s much more important than anything you can buy.
Yeah man, for sure! Hahaha. Luckily no teacher saw what happened. I have some rough stories from middle school, high school, and college as well! I swear, I’m not a trouble maker.
Hmm, seems to be a recurring theme there! lol
Wow that’s amazing you became friends with that kid after all that you went through. I was a scared’y cat for the longest time growing upwhich was a shame. I was teased but luckily nothing ever that serious. I still should have stood up for myself though.
The examples you have above for work, sports, and love are so true too. Fear can really limit our potential but when we’re in a situation where we have nothing to lose we’re able to take big risks and accomplish quite a lot without any worries.
Yeah, it was more of a respect thing. When I didn’t stand up for myself, I had regrets. It’s funny how there’s a nice self-correcting mechanism to make one do what they should do.
Great post, Sam – you know this is one of my favorite topics. Glad to finally hear the soccer anecdote as a fleshed-out story.
The people we should be most afraid of are the people who don’t care about “rules.” They don’t care if they might get arrested for punching you in the face. They will deal with that later.
The people who should be most afraid are those who think the rules will always protect them. They feel that society will never let them fall too far, someone will always be there to pick them up.
That’s a good point about rules in both scenarios. Rules are important, but just because there are rules doesn’t mean that everyone will follow them or be able to rely on them forever.