Throughout last week, many of you responded to the Personal MBA Giveaway Posts telling us what your goals are for this upcoming year. We asked:
- Where do you want to work in 2010? Why?
- Where do you want to live in 2010? Why?
- Who do you want to be in 2010? What are you going to focus on improving?
- How are you going to help others ‘untemplate’ their lives in 2010?
Many of you are quite ambitious! You have some big plans you’d like to see through this year, whether it’s traveling, starting a business or non-profit, starting a blog, or more. The passion and energy we’ve seen in your comments are inspiring and exciting; I can’t wait to see how you all will grow this year.
Time and time again however, we set some goals or resolutions for the New Year only to give up on those goals on January 2nd. Or we give up sometime in February.
Sometimes the very prevalence of giving up on these resolutions so quickly is enough for someone to not want to write a list of resolutions in the future so you won’t have to hold yourself accountable to it. In any case, whether it’s New Year’s or the middle of July, we often encounter things that discourage us from achieving the goals we set for ourselves. It can be old bad habits or a bad attitude. It can be a lack of something in your life or personality, or excess of something.
My question to you this week is: What prevents you from achieving your goals? What are some challenges you’ve faced in the past while pursuing something you wanted? What challenges do you face today? How do you deal with these challenges? Are there obstacles ahead of you that some of our Untemplater authors can help shed some light on?
It’s the daily fires I feel like I have to put out that prevent me from achieving my goals…. hence one goal for this year is to just stay on top of things and be more organized so I don’t have to put out fires all the time…
I’ve come across 4 major universal ways that we stop ourselves from achieving our goals, and while I’ve begun to understand these problems, I would be very interested to hear about solutions from people such as yourselves who have accomplished many of the goals i am striving for.
1. Self Sabotage. Believing we aren’t good enough to succeed, so using the inevitable obstacle as an excuse to bail.
2. Compromising Ourselves. Trading our ambitions and passions for safety. Being taken care of instead of taking care of ourselves.
3. Lacking Boundaries. Allowing others to tread on our dreams, and damage them. Allowing ourselves to do the same to others.
4. Past Wounds. Living in our past, refusing to let go of our traumas.
I generally find there are a few things that stop me from achieving my goals. The big two problem areas for me are consistency and focus.
I start out ok, and will be motivated at the start of the year. Then that fades away without me even realising it as I get caught up in the ‘thick of thin things’ and forget to exercise or focus on other mundane things that don’t take me towards my desired lifestyle.
This year I’m trying a few new things to help me maintain my focus and consistancy:
I will do something every day to move me closer to my 4hwwuntemplater lifestyle and fitness every day. I hope this will keep me focused on these goals every day.
1. Every day I do something which moves me towards my lifestyle goals I put a cross on the calendar. I also have a different colour for when i do something active (run,swim etc)
2. This calendar features pictures of exotic locatinos and i’ve established an NLP anchor looking at these exotic locations that exites me to go and visit these placces. This keeps me keen to escape the office and live the 4hww lifestyle – and then take an action to bring me closer to this goal.
Secondly- i want to connect with a group of motivated like-minded people who share my goals. Hello untemplater! This site looks fantastic and came along at just the right time.Reading through the comments above there are some ultra-motivated and ambitious people here which is great! I’ll be looking to connect with some of the people here so we can help each other stay motivated to achieve our goals.
Dariane – Please share your thoughts, as this is a new site, and we want to get to know you. Thanks!
Perfectionism, procrastination, self-doubt. I definitely over-value what people think about me and people’s expectations of me.
I also often don’t ask others for help when I need it because I am either too shy or unwilling to admit what I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like I can or should be able to do things on my own, when realistically I can’t. I often don’t seek support even if I really need it.
I am also very self-deprecating.
How do I deal with all of this? With each project and each small task related to my goals, I’m learning to let go, just do it now, and give myself credit where credit is due. I’m working on self-awareness and recognizing my strengths and weaknesses. I’m also learning to reach out when I know I need help and even offer my help to people when it’s needed.
Sounds like some excellent things to strive for Dariane! I think the older you get, the more self-confident you will be. Never stop accepting criticism from others though, as it’ll only make you stronger.
You know how women like confident men? Well, it’s not just women, it’s your employer, your friends, colleagues everyone. Confidence is what breeds success!
Hopefully I have limited many of things that held me back from achieving my goals. At this point, the only thing I can see that will stop me from achieving my current goals is by switching them to something bigger and better as opportunity presents its self.
But I know a few that have held me back in the past:
Time:
Working 10 hours a day makes it hard to be productive outside those hours. All you want to do is unwind in your off hours.
Stress:
When those 10 hours a day are stressful it makes it even harder. Harder to switch off or refocus in your downtime. Stress can also lead to alcohol and drug abuse, which affects productivity.
Fear of uncertainty/failure:
This is just a limiting belief that needs to be worked out internally. the 4 hour work week helped me with this one. The exercise of writing down the worse case scenario and what would need to be done to get back to where you currently are.
Caring what others think:
This includes loss of prestige, friend and family approval, societies images of what is successfully etc… again – limiting belief. Travel helped me with this one.
I think I upset the comment gods with the length of my response. Dariane can you let me know if it is pending approval or if I need to shorten it up?
Thanks!
Approved! Sorry for the delay. :]
No worries. I wasn’t sure how the filter worked so figured I’d ask.
Apologies to all for the wall of text. I blame Dariane for asking so many thought provoking questions. 🙂
What prevents you from achieving your goals?
1. Not being able to articulate what is important to me (resulting from 5+ years of ZERO introspection)
2. Fear of not being able to support myself financially.
3. Time. Currently in the 8-5 grind which eats up a significant percentage of my most productive hours in a week. I’m trying to make the most of the hours between my corporate job and sleep.
What are some challenges you’ve faced in the past while pursuing something you wanted?
1. Burnout. Getting psyched up and trying to change many things all at once. This does not work for me.
2. Lack of support. I’ve tried to go it alone in the past.
What challenges do you face today?
1. Time starvation.
2. Misalignment of work and purpose.
3. Student loan debt.
How do you deal with these challenges?
1. Forcing myself to be productive before and after my required seat time at the office. Researching sleep optimization. Plan on negotiating a one day per week remote working agreement at my upcoming performance review.
2. Focusing on reflection and starting the habit of daily meditation. Developing a plan to position myself financially to exit the corporate environment.
3. Currently executing a lifestyle DEFLATION strategy. Downsizing our apartment, selling/donating our stuff, and looking into getting rid of one of our vehicles. Goal is to live strictly off one of our incomes and throw the other at our student loan debt until we’re completely free.
Are there obstacles ahead of you that some of our Untemplater authors can help shed some light on?
1. We’re looking to start generating alternate (location-independent) streams of income in order to accelerate our debt payoff and subsequent freedom date. Once free, these streams would finance our exit from the corporate environment and year-long (maybe longer) trip outside of the US.
2. Staying motivated while surrounded by people who insist on bringing us back to “reality.” I have to explain on a regular basis why I don’t want to go out to lunch every weekday or to the bar every weekend. No, I didn’t watch American Idol last night. No, I don’t care what celebrity got caught cheating.
Finding such amazing online communities such as Untemplater, AONC, and ManVsDebt have helped me tremendously. I would like to find some local support as well (note to self… add to To Do list).
3. Finding a mentor/coach. When were you first exposed to the concept? Did your first relationship develop on its own or did you specifically seek it out? Is it something you have or would suggest paying for?
Thanks for the great, thought provoking content.
I’m glad you found this question thought provoking, and I appreciate the time you spent answering each question! I hope that this question was an exercise in introspection and articulating your challenges so that you can focus on what’s important to you.
I’ve seen so many of my peers (college students) suffer from burnout. A lot of them spread themselves thin with numerous involvements and projects on top of classes and exams. They physically wear themselves out so much that they end up doing a mediocre job on everything they’re doing. Recognizing that we’re only human and have a limited amount of energy and focus is very important, and it’s awesome that you’ve done that.
I’m glad that you’ve found a motivating community at Untemplater!
Preexisting habits, even small ones, can sometimes create huge challenges when trying to achieve goals. Common goals like losing weight, budgeting, etc. etc. almost always require us to change our habits, which is very often easier said than done.
But, as a pretty textbook example of an untemplater: graduated from UCSD a, moved back in w/ the parents (mostly because its so glamorous) for a while while I start my own internet company through an incubator internship. One thing I can say about this lifestyle is that old habits don’t die so hard when you’re doing the things that you really want to do.
When I was in school I had all the classic bad habits: oversleeping, procrastination, etc. which were pretty much impossible to crack, mostly because my goals (all school related) didn’t give me enough motivation to make lasting changes to my bad habits.
Now that I’m doing the things I really want to do, the things I really care about, motivation is easy and my bad habits have more or less evaporated. In my experience, the key to achieving goals, overcoming challenges, and breaking bad habits is to make sure you’re doing the things you really care about.
I think one of the worst things that can hold a person back are those bad habits that a person doesn’t realize they have…or doesn’t admit to having.
I’m totally with you on the bad habits during school thing. Procrastination is a big one for me; I was actually voted “Biggest Procrastinator” in high school by my peers!
I definitely agree that motivation is a huge factor in killing those bad habits, but the challenge for many people (including me) is finding something that you’re passionate about. I’m glad you’ve found something you love and helps you overcome your bad habits!
My goals for 2010 are:
get a job
celebrate my first anniversary, in my homestate of NJ
buy a car for my wife (nothing fancy something in the $2k-4k range).
score at least a 1300 on the GRE (undergrad GPA was a bit sub-par, so I have to compensate in other areas for grad school admission)
pay off my non-student loan debt.
Goals 3 and 5 are completely dependent on #1, and goal 2 is partially dependent on #1.
Beyond 2010, my goals include grad school for hydrology & graduating, getting a job in the hydrological field, visiting Ireland (the land of my ancestors), and doing research in Antarctica (@Jackie I’m soooo jealous).
So really, everything is dependent on 2010 goals 1 and 4. So 90% of my energy is focused on those two. They are the make or break for me. I just applied for a 10 month contract position that I have a good feeling about. And when I finish this comment, it’s time to break open the GRE prep book I have from the library and do some studying.
Wow those are some great goals! Best of luck!
I think it’s great that you don’t get ‘psyched out’ by negative things that keep you from pursuing what you want. I’m curious, what are some things you’ve achieved, what are some examples of roadblocks you’ve faced along the way, and how did you deal with them?
Being human. Seriously.
By that, I mean I need sleep. There simply don’t seem to be enough hours in the day for me to get done all that I want done with excellence. Also, I seem get very tired and unproductive if I don’t get enough sleep the night before, so that also damages the quality of my work.
I totally get what you mean. Dark circles under my eyes are not attractive at all. :p
Someone once said that the problem isn’t that there aren’t enough hours in the day. Everyone in the world has the same 24 hours in each day to do what they can. The problem is that we don’t have enough energy to do what we can in that amount of time.
Yeah, that sleep stuff.
Time, is a huge one for me. I have a few things to pay off and save for, so I need to work. I started working on getting a college degree, so I need to go to classes to work on finishing that up. Then there’ll be the time it takes me to pay off my student loans and feel truly free. (Nothing left to pay for but what I choose.)
Or maybe I’m making excuses, but I don’t feel that it’s feasible for me to just up and quit everything right now. I’m moving in the summer, and I’ve decided that without a doubt I won’t fall into the same sort of traps I did here. Going to figure out exactly what sort of job I want to do and what steps I need to do to make it happen.
Luckily, it’ll be easier for me there than here, because cars are bigger there than here. 🙂 Yes, location has a lot to do with it! Not just an excuse.
You’ve got some big changes ahead!
I think it’s a useful characteristic (or skill maybe?) to have the ability to recognize if you’re making excuses for yourself which in turn discourage you from achieving your goals, versus actually rationalizing real reasons you shouldn’t pursue them. That sort of self-awareness is important for staying focused.
I hope your moving goes smoothly and that you get that degree you want!
Indeed, but I’m excited about them all really. 🙂
I think so — Sometimes, also, I think that excuses can have completely valid points that ought to be considered. It’s a funny thing how you look at income when you realize it will be disappearing shortly and inevitably. I’m planning to “invest” some into my fledgling blog, to shy off excuses of that nature. Then I’ll “have” to earn some money online to at least recoup that cost. 😉
The degree… Well, that’s just an odd thing for me now. I feel better off finishing than quitting with nothing. I’m pretty down far the hole as is. (I’d say this is my one big life mistake up to this point, and I can’t say it’s a super horrible one… So I consider myself doing alright.)
Um, nothing! Last year I went to Antarctica and this year I’m training for a marathon. Sure, some things are hard (I spent 11 months working 3 jobs to pay for Antarctica) but It’s never occurred to me that I can’t do something. The strength and motivation to accomplish my goals comes from my mindset.
I do need to learn to take care of myself better, but with regards to achieving my goals, I think I’m all set! Thanks for asking!
(I ask friends all the time what they think stands in the way of them doing what they want to do, and usually it comes down to a lack of motivation and self-confidence. They come from a place of thinking everything is hard or impossible, instead of starting by thinking that anything is possible. Whats most frustrating is the oppressive idea of what people feel they SHOULD do. Everyone is different an no one has the right to tell you what you should do! So yeah, mindset and lack of courage to go against what you think other people want for you….those seem to be the road blocks for many people I know.)
Jackie Rose
Congrats on your trip and the marathon! Antarctica sounds fantastic!
I agree that many people experience a lack of motivation and self-confidence. I for one am often a victim of the two. Changing your mindset and building courage is so much easier said than done, but I like to remind myself to take things one day at a time.
Thanks for sharing!
Mmm definitely starting small and living day to day is how I get through! Sure I have big goals I need to plan ahead for, but to keep my motivation up in general I try try try to recognize little goals or things I’ve accomplished every day. I feel strong when I get through a yoga class, smart when I answer a question in class, happy when I help a friend do something…all of those little daily things make me feel accomplished and give me self-encouragement to go after the bigger goals (travel to my 7th continent, adopt a child, finish my masters, etc).
All that said, I have my bad days when I don’t feel like getting out of bed, I cry over nothing and I ask myself, “What am I doing here? What’s the point? Why is this so hard?” In those moments I try to remember that life goes on and somehow things WILL work out.
I recently started training for a marathon because I’m recovering from a serious accident and wanted to give myself an activity to do each day that will force me to get up, be strong and accomplish something. So yeah, lately the idea that things WILL work out has been on repeat in my mind!
Thank you for your reply/comment, and of course for the post!
I think possibly the only thing holding me back is myself.
There’s the usual (valid) complaints about not having a job, so being unable to save for things… or not really having enough time, or having to wait until I get my degree, or whatever (varies per goal). Think it’s time to just suck it up and try 🙂 Though, for a large portion of the things I really want to do, the above complaints do play a huge factor in whether I’ll be able to or not.
Hmm, your comment makes me wonder…
Are those valid complaints (i.e., not having a job, not having enough time, not having a degree yet) keeping you from your goals? Because it seems like if these things are important to you, maybe they’re helping you work towards those goals?
I don’t know, maybe I’m completely off. Just a thought. :]
I would say they Could be, however my goals aren’t strictly related to not having a job, and waiting on my degree is optional as well really because of the industry I’m in 🙂 (3D Animation, like most other art forms, can become a freelance business before you ever finish studying).
Thanks for the thought though; all of the complaints I mentioned would help a great deal if I had them resolved, but they’re not quite the be all and end all =)