For the past few years, I’ve struggled with all my might to live how I want and to be who I want to be.
By joining clubs and organizations I gained a variety of experiences and skills. I immersed myself in situations I’d never been in before, and I looked for hobbies and activities that could improve my life. Despite all my attempts I was left feeling dissatisfied. Nothing inspired me, I didn’t have a passion and I had no idea what I wanted to be. Meanwhile, I created a veneer with which people perceived me for what I did instead of who I was. Just when I thought I was going through the right motions to get to where I thought I wanted to be, I began to seriously fail at the things I aspired for. I was drowning and I couldn’t figure out why.
As many people mention here at Untemplater there’s a breaking point or a catalyst that pushes you in a completely different direction. Often times that direction is the one you probably should have taken to begin with. This is exactly what happened to me just two months ago.
A series of events got me into a certain mindset and that mindset created a series of events that got me to where I am now. I discovered that I knew all along what life I wanted and who I wanted to be. I was dishonest with myself because the life I wanted was too difficult to achieve. I was dishonest with everyone else because I was too ashamed to reveal what I must overcome to get there.
You see, I grew up as a child of hoarders. My home is filled to the brim with clutter and it’s been years since we’ve had anyone over at our house. At best some areas have pathways inches wide to pass through. At worst some areas are completely inaccessible. You know how you feel when your desk is stacked with papers you have to sort through? It feels like that but 20 times worse. The stuff becomes so overwhelming it paralyzes you socially, emotionally and psychologically. Even after I moved away to college, I still felt haunted by all of the stuff.
I can’t let something like this sabotage the lives of me and my family members. I know exactly what’s holding me back. I’m finally taking a stand.
For the next two months I will be embarking on what I’m calling the Stuff Project. I’ll be working 40 hours a week for eight weeks to clean my entire house without any help from professional cleaners and organizers. And of course, I’ll be documenting the process along the way.
I finally feel like I’m doing the right thing at the right place and at the right time. I can’t move forward when I have stuff holding me back, both literally and figuratively. I’m tired of feeling ashamed. I’m more than ready to feel proud of who I am and what I must overcome to be who I want to be.