We’re all sheep. Where the herd goes, we go, good or bad. But It doesn’t have to be this way.
Society tends to condition us to fit a certain template. We have all at one time or another been pressured and influenced to become a person we thought we should have been, as opposed to being who we really are. This has been the case with our dress, our personality, our goals, the people we associate with, the list goes on. We have all valued and allowed other’s opinions and thoughts to alter our own image and personality at some point.
Marcus Aurelius observed in the book “The Meditations”;
“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.”
If we really love ourselves more than other people, why does it seem hard for us to truly be ourselves, our 100% authentic self, all day, every day around anyone?
According to Wikipedia, the philosophy of Authenticity is; “the degree to which one is true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character, despite these pressures.” Another common definition of “Authenticity” in psychology refers to the attempt to live one’s life according to the needs of one’s inner being, rather than the demands of society or one’s early conditioning.
Robert Greene writes in his book, “The 50th Law”, that you are one of a kind. No other person on Earth shares the same genetic makeup of you, nor do they share your perspective and experiences in life. For this, you have your own unique ideas, thoughts, and perspectives. Greene encourages us to not be afraid of our uniqueness and to stop giving a damn about what others think of you.
We have all met someone who epitomizes Authenticity. They are genuinely authentic in their actions, their goals, their style, and personality. Everything they do seems so attuned to their purpose and goals in life. We are attracted to these people, for they seem trustworthy and genuine. We all have the power and capability becoming a person like this. It just takes three easy steps.
Know your fears, know your edge
“Your Fear is the sharpest definition of yourself” – David Deida
We all have fears. These fears are severe limitations that we place on ourselves and ultimately color the way we see the world, the people around us, and ourselves. We tend to cover up fears by acting fake or engage in some form of lying. If you’re fearful, you can never be completely “free” to be yourself.
According to David Deida in his book, “The Way of the Superior Man”;
“A free man is free to acknowledge his fears without hiding them, or hiding from them.”
You truly cannot know yourself; find out who you really are, without finding out your fears and why they are your fears. Find out your fears and your edge, and you can see your limits, your weaknesses, and ultimately work on them.
Find your purpose and create a mission
Find out what makes you “You” and what you really love to do. Without a purpose that you totally believe in, you’ll feel lost in this world. You will be reacting and adapting to events in life as opposed to creating events. You lose control. Purpose is what makes your life meaningful, and how can you be authentic without that?
So find it out, now. Once you do find your purpose, make it your priority and make a mission to accomplish it. Don’t waste your energies and resources on anything irrelevant. It’s all about opportunity cost. What activity would be more beneficial to your purpose? Farmville or reading anything you can get your hands on.
Purposeful Action
“Don’t let your dreams be dreams” – Jack Johnson
This is the hard part. Now that you have identified your fear and your real edge, live just beyond that. Challenge yourself, constantly. Remember, every moment of your life is either a test or a celebration. Never be idle.
Equally important is to act congruently to your mission and purpose. This is the key to practicing Authenticity.
Perhaps the most important task is to focus on you. Aurelius hit this head on in Meditations; “Don’t waste the rest of your time here worrying about other people – unless it affects the common good. It will keep you from doing anything useful.” The only thing you can control in life is your action.
Authentic means not false, nor copied. Every one of us can never be duplicated. We can also never become someone else, no matter how hard we try. So why not invest your energies and resources on becoming the real “You”?
With true authenticity, you can slowly break away from the herd, and be You.
Awesome article Ronnie! I have to second Brett on the most excellent quote selections. I really liked your statement:
“Don’t waste your energies and resources on anything irrelevant. It’s all about opportunity cost. What activity would be more beneficial to your purpose? Farmville or reading anything you can get your hands on.”
Too many people don’t know what they want, and don’t even know that they don’t know. Until people realize that they are a part of the herd, they won’t be able to get out of it.
My life, and outlook upon it, has changed quite a bit once I began steering its course instead of just going on the ride. Now I want to help others do the same!
Fantastic post Ronnie! Whether in business, relationships or life there is a lot to be said about taking the time to figure out who you are and why you are doing the things that you are doing. I think too many people simply -act- without giving themselves the space to figure out what motivates and drives that action.
Well said sir.
I completely agree with ya Steven. Too many people do “simply act”, and I personally think people act without thinking because they may see everyone else around them doing it. Its the Herd mentality. Appreciate the kind words!
There’s definitely safety in the herd.
But, do you think it’s now about breaking away from the “untemplater” herd now that there are so many?
Many have noticed that because of the downturn in the economy, we’ve seen a flourish of those going back to school and becoming entrepreneurs. What happens when the jobs come back?
Best, Sam
In a sense, we will always conform to groups and people similar to us. And certainly, the “untemplater” herd is growing. The point I’m trying to get at is that by practicing true Authenticity, you will become comfortable and not fearful of leaving the herd, if you decided to.
You’re right for sure about safety in the herd. And that is perfectly OK with people who want that. But I’m always reminded by a famous saying of Ben Franklin….”Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.” That of course is kinda an extreme quote though.
It basically comes down to knowing yourself and what you want. Then you can find out what herd to be apart or what herd to leave. I’m still figuring this out as well. Hope that helps!
It’s a fun journey to figure things out.
What are you up to now Ronnie, as it’s been a year +. What’s changed with you?
Cheers, Sam
Hi Ronnie!
This article really touched home. Have you read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho? It definitely focuses on the philosophy of being a sheep. If you haven’t you should really check it out. This post also made me remember a poem by Maya Angelou called “Haters” and when you referred to Robert Greene, I remembered one particular line in the poem: ” It’s dangerous to be like somebody else… If God wanted you to be like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them!”
Thanks for sharing this post!!
I loved the Alchemist. That actually helped inspire the title! I’ll have to check out Angelou’s poem thanks for the reference. Definitely going to save that quote too! Thanks, Monique.
I love it! That was truly a wonderfully written article. I have felt the same way recently but you have put that into words. Very insightful. Keep it up! BTW, so when are we going to hang out?
J. Alba
This is great stuff! I especially like the Marcus Aurelius quote
Thanks Coach Basset, I can always reread Meditations and learn something new every time.
Awesome article Ronnie! I have to second Brett on the most excellent quote selections. I really liked your statement:
“Don’t waste your energies and resources on anything irrelevant. It’s all about opportunity cost. What activity would be more beneficial to your purpose? Farmville or reading anything you can get your hands on.”
I recently freed myself from my own version of Farmville (World of Warcraft). While I did enjoy the game and spending time with friends online, the opportunity cost to the things that were truly important to me was far too great.
Currently reading everything I can get my hands on and trying to hone in on my purpose. When you spend so much time looking out, its hard to remember/recognize what is inside.
Thanks Ben. Utilizing Opportunity Cost for every day decisions can may be painful in the short term, but extremely rewarding in the long term. Glad to hear it’s proving successful for ya!
“Don’t waste your energies and resources on anything irrelevant. It’s all about opportunity cost. What activity would be more beneficial to your purpose? Farmville or reading anything you can get your hands on.”
I disagree. Sometimes, it’s very useful to just waste your time. Obviously not all the time, but it can be cathartic to just not do anything useful every now and then. Playing video games, going to the movies, watching Lost – none of them serve any real purpose than to be enjoyable. As an avid reader, I can honestly say that I’ve had books that were MUCH less fulfilling than Farmvile, which I play for about half an hour each day.
Opportunity Cost, in my opinion, can work both ways. So….if it has been a while since you have unwind and just relax, than according to the definition of Opportunity Cost, the value of relaxing equals more than over working. Many times I’ll value going out with friends or playing FIFA 10 for an hour over work, effort, etc. Of course. But my point is, use Opportunity Cost to identify the value each decision can have on the grand scheme of things.
And perhaps, I should have specified “related” reading towards whatever goals, purpose, work you aspire to accomplish in that example. Sorry I missed that.
Thanks for bringing up the points of discussion though, Edward. 🙂
I’ve been a habitual time waster for the past four years so I’m currently swinging a bit far in the opposite direction. I’ve attempted to cut all “meaningless” activities out of my life. Things that don’t have any impact on fulfilling my day-to-day needs or align with my longer term goals. That doesn’t mean I’ve cut all “fun/unwinding” activities.
After getting home from work today I spent a little over an hour sitting with my fiance on our couch while we watched the final two episodes of Gilmore Girls together (Yes I said we. Don’t judge. The show’s dialogue is hilarious). Did I find value in watching the dvd? No. Did I find value in spending time with my significant other? Absolutely.
I try to find ways to combine fun/relaxation with productivity/purpose. For example, I enjoy cooking. Coming home from work and cooking a delicious, healthy dinner is a completely enjoyable experience. The ultimate goal is to make my work = my purpose. Then things like cooking will just be icing on the cake.
Ronnie,
I understand where you’re coming from. I just believe it’s rather difficult to quantify the opportunity cost of NOT having fun. Again, I’m a big fan of “meaningless” activity. What we do for no purpose at all is as important as what you do purposefully. This whole article is about living authentically. If authenticity is living according to your inner needs instead of society’s view, then it’s just as important to do things that serve no purpose.
If you say, “society expects me to ignore working towards my life goals in favor of playing video games, so I’m going to ignore video games and concentrate on working towards my life goals,” then you are still letting society dictate your life. Rebelling against authority is still giving power to authority. As Marcus Aurelius alluded, true authenticity means simply not caring what society thinks you should be or will probably be doing. It means, instead of rebelling against authority, ignoring authority. Just do what you find personally fulfilling, even if it is a video game.
You quoted Meditations AND The Way of the Superior Man in the same post? You have fantastic taste in books, good sir.
Your last section on purposeful action is right on and reminds me a lot of the concept of “Right Action” in the Bhagavad Gita. Give that a read if you haven’t – it’s not as straightforward as, say, Meditations, but I think it’s excellent and I haven’t even finished it yet.
Haha thanks Brett. Can’t get enough of both books. I’ll definitely check out Bhagavad Gita, always been interested in learning more about Hinduism. I’ll be following Dare To Express for sure, really enjoyed the Inner Champion series you have on there.
Great post Ronnie, being true to yourself is very important. So many of us are always trying to impress others. That’s one of the reasons I think a lot of people get in trouble financially. Busy trying to impress others. It’s also the number one reason why most people leave their house being POSERS. All of us pose at some point during the day, because we are afraid of what people will think of the real us.
Something I’ve been working on is really getting outside my comfort zone and being just myself. My real self, without worrying about what others are thinking.
Something that has been a great advantage though, I started realizing that most people are busy worrying about what you think about them to actually be thinking about you.
Mike, you are absolutely right! Especially about how people can get into financial trouble.
Getting out of your comfort zone is pivotal too. Living just beyond your edge, your fear, will allow you to discover who you really are and what your made of. Once you find this out, then practicing to be 100% authentic is so much easier, more fun, and definitely rewarding!
Wow, I totally love this. 😀 The quotes are awesome!!
My husband is totally an authentic person. He does not care what other people think of him, at all. And he definitely attracts people to him… He’s a very social and likable person. On the other hand, I’m somewhat shy, awkward and don’t attract people as much. Lucky for me, the more time I spend with him, the more I take on his personality so that’s hopefully making me a more authentic person. 🙂
It’s nice to have someone who will support you when you try to be yourself and push yourself out of your comfort zone!! Definitely have to be true to myself to create the life I want — no matter how many people tell me I’m being unreasonable. (I sure don’t think so!)
Appreciate the kind words Meg. I definitely agree with ya in that its vital to also surround yourself with authentic, like-minded people. Authenticity is so contagious and it absolutely can grow on you, as well as attract people you really want in your life. We are all capable of being ourselves, 100 % authentic. I mean…you did attract your husband, who sounds like a total badass, and probably by being the real you!