Women are hard to figure out. If men could figure out women, think about how much more harmony there would be in this world! No fights, no divorces, no monetary leakage to lawyers, and happier children. With happier children, there would be less psychological trauma, less crime, less drugs, and less war. Yes, to have peace on earth, men must do their best to understand women. Women should do the same, especially since men are much easier to figure out.
This post is an attempt to create more peace on earth by understanding first of all, why some people (primarily women) hate beautiful women in the workplace. Women need to sort out their differences first, before men can make amends. Hopefully we can have a mature discussion at the end of this post to learn more perspectives. To get any awkwardness out of the way, I’d like to say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It’s up to you to imagine what is deemed unattractive and beautiful.
I do my best to focus on a person’s substance. If they are easy on the eyes, great. If they are not, it does not matter because I’m listening to what they are saying, not what they are rocking. Now onto the story.
NO FOLLOW UP
I went to a party over the holidays and met tons of wonderful people. I got to know one woman who was nice, but not particularly attractive. Let’s call her Janet, as in Janet Reno. I thought we developed a good rapport, so I decided to introduce her to another woman I met who happens to be very attractive. Let’s call her Jessica, as in Jessica Alba.
Janet and Jessica are both moving to a new state next year, and I thought it would be great for them to connect. As soon as I introduced Jessica however, I noticed Janet’s facial expression turn from cheerful to somber. As a long time poker player, I naturally pay a lot of attention to one’s facial expressions and body language. Janet’s body slumped as she looked Jessica up and down before managing a fake smile.
Meanwhile, Jessica was all cheerful and upbeat as she should be to meet a potential new buddy in a new state. I wished them luck and left the two to chat as I headed home. When I traded e-mails with Jessica recently to see how things were going however, Jessica mentioned Janet never bothered to respond to her e-mail! Jessica had written a “nice to meet you” e-mail with plans about when she’ll be moving to the new state. At least Janet could have responded with a simple “nice to meet you too” sentence back.
As it turns out, Janet is a very bitter woman. She got pregnant at a young age and the deadbeat father left soon after to be with another woman. Given such trauma occurred at such a young age, it’s easy to understand how Janet can be very leery of strangers and distrusting of other women, particularly those who have talent and beauty.
Now that we understand a little bit about Janet’s background, we should be able to forgive her for treating a beautiful woman unkindly.
WOMEN NEED TO STOP BASHING OTHER WOMEN
It’s sad that Janet and Jessica aren’t going to be friends because I think they’d make a great duo. Having a great friend is priceless. Alas, because Jessica is attractive, there is no way Janet is willing to promote Jessica’s work. Janet fears that as soon as her clientele discovers Jessica, it is the end of Janet!
As a manager in the workforce for the last five years of my career, I cannot tell you how many fires I’ve had to extinguish between women. It’s almost always the case where one woman is at least five years older, and the younger woman is more attractive. The more attractive woman would complain to me why the less attractive woman was giving her the cold shoulder. Meanwhile, the less attractive woman would complain to me how “inappropriate” the more attractive woman would dress, speak, walk, and talk. In other words, the complaints were not based on substance, but only on looks.
Women need to stop bashing each other in the workplace and in business. When you’re busy bashing each other, you aren’t busy working on becoming the best employee or entrepreneur you can be. Instead, hatred is wasting your time and it’s not worth it! It is fantastic there are professional womens groups within organizations to help support each other though and I hope they will address issues like this. Big sister mentorship programs are also a great idea to foster collaboration and other positives. Let’s continue such support!
Men clearly have similar types of issues in the workplace, however, I can tell you straight up that men don’t give a damn about another man’s looks. We may use another good looking man’s physique or chiseled face to remind us to dress better, shave more, wear nicer clothes, and workout more at home. But other than that, we’re too busy focusing on producing better work.
SO WHY DO WOMEN FEEL THREATENED?
When looks are hereditary, there’s nothing an unattractive or beautiful woman can do about it. But you know what? Only guys seem to think this way because we’re simple creatures. Women have a tremendous amount of ways to “beautify” themselves. Women can wear makeup, accessories, wigs, and a plethora of different clothes to match one’s desires. The only thing men have in common with women in the “look better category” is watching what we eat and working out. Men pretty much look the same, regardless of what we wear because we can’t naturally alter the way we look.
When I was a manager, all I wanted was for my colleagues to work in peace. Let’s focus on the task at hand and not about looks! I’ve come up with reasons why some women dislike beautiful women.
* Men love beautiful women. A man will always choose a beautiful woman over an unattractive woman if they had a choice, and all else being equal. Given women know this, there is a fear that another woman might take away their man.
* Beautiful women get more attention. When you’re beautiful, everybody cuts you more slack. Perhaps I should clarify and say that men give beautiful women more slack, whereas other women will probably rip a beautiful woman a part for any wrong doing! When you get more attention, you get more opportunity in the workplace.
* Unequal playing field. Even though beautiful women can’t help looking beautiful, unattractive women find they have an unfair advantage. When inequality exists, there are riots on the streets. Just look at the Occupy protesters! The question is, should we ask beautiful women to ugly themselves so that there is an equal playing field? Of course not! If you’ve got it, flaunt it!
* Jealousy is unavoidable. We’ve got to make due with what we’ve got. If we don’t, we become self-destructive people given we let our jealousies take over. For example, in personal finance, instead of working on our own multiple income streams, we find it easier to harp on those who are doing well for themselves. If you become a hater, you are doomed for failure!
CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?
If all men can love beautiful women, all women should also love beautiful women. Sure, you might not get as much attention from people if you’re unattractive, but if you also develop a bad attitude, nobody is ever going to give you the time of day.
I urge all of us to do our best to focus on the substance of people instead of their looks. We’ll not only be able to fix our own negative predispositions, we will then allow more people to see us in a kinder light!
Readers, why do you think some women dislike beautiful women? It’s not their fault they are beautiful. Why can’t we just focus on a person’s substance and performance instead of their looks?
Best,
Sam
Jess, June 2nd 2013 – Thank You !!!! At last, someone who actually speaks freakin sense. You Hit The Nail On The Head : TRUE. If you are a good looking woman, you are going to have a HARD time getting work, Especially if you have the misfortune of being interviewed by another woman. You can be the Best person for the job, be the nicest, most professional potential co worker on the planet, BUT, if you get interviewed for that job, THAT YOU ARE THE BEST CANDIDATE FOR, by a Female interviewer, and You Are Good Looking, well, in a nutshell : You ARE F+c+ed. There is no such thing as ‘sisterhood’, women, in general are so insecure, good and less good looking alike, there will Never be a lack of jealousy. And that is Really sad. Pathetic in fact.
Despite many years of feminist struggle for equality men as a class still have more power than women as a class. Just because some individual women have made it higher then some individual men and equality laws have been written, women still don’t have the ability to get ahead in the way men do.
If you think looks are not important then tell other men to keep their attractions out of the workplace, because while men are treating women different based on looks and how they choose to dress(which plays a bigger part than inborn looks) women are not gonna be able to relate to other women who get it easy just for how they look. It has nothing to do with competition for men on a sexual level, and everything to do with the fact that women have to cater to the male gaze to be able to get ahead in life. Womens work and stills are not as valued as mens and are not paid as well despite laws saying they should be.
When the day comes where women can just put on a smart suit and get on with work, without sex appeal or constraints about what a woman should be , when all looks get you is more personal partners or encounters then the day will come when women will be glad of the women who spare them the male attention.
Men need to stop seeing women as they do now, and need to see personality and ability regardless of sex. Stop sorting women into nice or not nice, and by looks in a one dimensional way. A person does not become a not nice person for not liking something men like, its a bit lame to make some of the statements written in your post, like for example
“If all men can love beautiful women, all women should also love beautiful women.”
No we shouldn’t and no we won’t, why should women who struggle to get the resources they need to live cut slack to women who use their looks to get ahead in life. Its not about how a woman is born looking, not many woman are their natural selves, alteration of self to look in a way considered attractive is a choice. Not all women want to spend their time ans resources on their appearance, not all can and they shouldn’t have to. Women don’t turn against each other for nature given features, only for intent to use them in an unfair system.
Many women who do fit the attractive box don’t realize how much they are being carried in life, or how much of it comes from being seen as sexual so not all can be made to take responsibility for how they play things.
And also sometimes the ones who do all the dressing up are the ones who are mean to the ones who don’t. Some women have a sense of entitlement based on their looks, and may not like it if a woman has a really good skill and has managed to get it without using looks. So it works both ways.
But i don’t think a man should be complaining about the dynamics between women, not when men as a class have created most of them indirectly via their patriarchal system. If a group of people are oppressed and attempts are made to construct them into what the oppressor group wants, then some unwanted things will occur too.
Ugh. This article is dead on about less attractive women hating on better looking women. And rare is the women who admits to being jealous when she’s called out on it. Women know that being called “jealous” stings and lingers like nothing else. It is the apex of shame for females. Wh*re, sl*t, b*tch, don’t phase women much. But call her jealous and man oh man does it invoke a rage. Why? Because it’s TRUE. Women don’t care if they’re called sl*ts because it’s almost never true. But when the are labeled with something that pulls back the curtain on what they truly are, bam! That’s why women around the world let Samantha Brick have it when she dared to expose the truth. It hit home. It hit a raw nerve. See, women are pretty much all jealous. Any woman (good looking women included) who tells you she doesn’t experience jealousy is an absolute liar. It’s the equivalent of an 18-year boy telling you he doesn’t get sexual urges. So if you hear a woman say this, know you’re looking at a woman whose a liar and beware.
As far as women getting leeway at work from guys for being good looking……. there’s a few guys here and there who will seemingly tremble and become tongue-tied and act like pushovers with an attractive woman. But the quantity of such men is trivial compared to the tidal of wave of hostility that constitute the average working guy’s display of resentment toward a good looking female coworker for not making herself romantically available to them. I have found that most men at work are nasty or condescending toward good looking women. Most men are eager to label such women as stuck up snobs (and that’s the PG version of what they’re thinking.) I’ve seen it, I’ve experienced it. So this idea that good looking women have greater opportunity in the workplace is utter nonsense. I have never ever seen a genetically good looking woman get ahead because of her looks. Men seem to want to keep good looking women subordinate and ugly women just want to humiliate her. If anything, to be a good looking woman in the workplace is a DISadvantage. She gets attention alright, but it’s never the appropriate (professional) kind and for that reason it works to detract from work relation success, not enhance it. Ogling does not equate with being appreciated or admired. Not whatsoever.
Young women really do have a fair amount of jealous feelings in some form or another. I think this does subside with age though as women gain more self confidence and experience.
Young women? I was in no way pointing to young women with my post. My post applies to all women although I would say the elderly women are not usually jealous (if they are, then the must be too tired to show it because I don’t see it much at all). Middle-aged women are no less jealous than the young ones and are just as malicious, if not more so.
“A man will always choose a beautiful woman over an unattractive woman if they had a choice, and all else being equal”
Ah, yes, but when are all other things equal? When you aren’t the best looking person in the crowd, you usually find ways of making yourself better in other ways to compensate. It’s why fat people are jolly. 🙂
Reading this post, the Jimmy Soul song, If You Want to Be Happy started playing in my head.
“If you want to be happy for the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife.
From my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.”
Ah yes I know the lyrics to that song well myself. I used to listen to it a lot when I was in middle school. Now it’s going to be stuck in my head. 🙂
I literally just witnessed this same scenario in my office the other day. For months we had a co worker corresponding with another female via email in which she had nothing but good things to say. However, when the other female physically came to our location our co worker instantly had a problem. While a couple of us found this odd, another female co worker keyed us in on the “actual situation” about how she was likely jealous. It’s an absolute shame, but I will admit it happens all the time!
Very interesting. I do hope some women get into the mix and share their thoughts on this post.
Women get judged on looks way more than men and I think this is what causes a lot of the jealousy, which that coworker probably did not even realize. I think also in offices where there are more men than women, and a woman is reporting to a male boss, it can be hard not to feel threatened by another female who is younger or more attractive.
Sadly a lot of companies still have glass ceilings too, so women feel threatened by other women when they really should be joining forces and breaking through that glass together.
Women ARE the glass ceiling, for the most part.
Perhaps in some cases, but I tend to disagree.
Well said Jess! I have had more women maliciously ruin my career chances from petty jealousy than any man ever did.
I think it is more complicated! I think there is competition and envy between women. I am not sure if some feel threatened or not, but that may enter into it too. Men have always competed in sports etc, so maybe we are used to competition.
When I was an executive, I was acutely aware that I needed to maintain balance in the office with men and women because it would be unbearable if there were too many women. One of my consulting assignments was with a nonprofit where there were just about 100% women. They were just as bad as what women accuse all male organizations of. It was one of my most difficult assignments.
I’d agree that women can be very competitive and there can be a lot of jealousy involved at times too, which I think women are much less likely to admit. Although I wish it wasn’t the case, I would have a really hard time working with only women myself too. Women can get very catty and chatty in large groups unfortunately.
Meetings I’ve been in with only women tend to take forever because a fair amount of women will talk and talk and talk themselves to death. Meetings I’ve been in with men however are much more to the point and straight forward which saves a lot of time.
Maybe that’s why I have a hard time fitting in with women in Age 30-45 range?
I’m not super gorgeous, but I am young, and older women do always bring that up.
Then again so do men..
Do I feel competition against women? Yes, but it’s same feeling I have towards men. I am competitive in the workforce.
Perhaps be less competitive in the workforce? I also advise younger folks to do the best they can to make someone ELSE look good, and latch on to their rocketship.
Excellent advice , and I’m glad this topic was brought up..because older unattractive women do give other attractive women hell in the workplace and it decreases productivity and it is in every field…it makes for a hostile enviroment ..but that is the way some women are and JEALOUSLY …will never end..until Jesus comes back.
You know I’ve seen this type of behavior at work myself. But mostly surrounding women who don’t dress appropriately and thus and don’t handle themselves professionally. Work isn’t a fashion show (unless you actually work in the fashion industry) and how you dress shouldn’t create distractions for anyone. It really annoys me when I see women coming into interview with skirts too short and low cut blouses. That’s not how you get a job. And guys who dress like they are going to a club. A black collared shirt just looks weird in a corporate setting.
Everyone has some level of insecurity and it can create tension in the workplace. If a person happens to be attractive and acts professionally i will treat them with respect and support them if they perform well. But as soon as they start acting or dressing inappropriately I lose respect for them.
“Work isn’t a fashion show,” how true! Although, I do recommend everyone dress a half level above where they are coming in at. The disheveled look is out folks.
Are you saying my black corduroy jacket w/ gold links I wore once when I was in high school is out?
I really got a sense that some women really hate women for wearing an outfit that accentuates another woman’s figure. The low cut, unbutton down to the belly button type of blouses are quite interesting, as some women do this all the time.
Guys don’t really care so much about other guys. We just end up giving other dudes hard times at the water cooler or something. “Wearing your tight pants from high school there Jimmy?”
I find that it’s usually the hippos and hyenas who wear the tight revealing clothing who are the ones who accuse others of doing exactly that. The hippos and hyenas love to complain that Mrs. Universe walks around like she “owns the place” and then they themselves prance around with their noses in the air passing negative judgements on any good looking woman in their radius.