First dates are already nerve racking enough…don’t sabotage the whole operation before it’s began. Of course every individual has their own pet peeves’ and you certainly can’t, nor should you try, to please everyone. But I thought I’d focus on some general pointers that if done…will pretty much guarantee a second date phone call will go straight to Voice Mail.
Of course there are many more than 5, but these are some of the most common.
Poor Choice of Location:
Guys, have a familiar spot that you know will work well for a date. If you’ve never been there…go on a recon mission before hand to scope out the scene or at the very least, read some online reviews and check out the menu. Pick something that offers a wide variety of offerings of both food and drink, no not the Cheese Cake Factory.
There is a huge grey area between “Look at how pretentious I am by picking this French Bistro with 4 food choices and a bare wine list consisting of Organic Champagne”…and a “look how either cheap or uncomforming and cheap I am by selecting the dive bar that one website called hip”. The new place you’ve been wanting to try is great, but do a little research to make sure the atmosphere allows conversation and variety. You want this to be a comfortable setting so you can focus on conversation.
(Bonus Tip: Avoid any area ANY ex may prowl. Nothing is more pathetic than show casing your new date to be seen by your old. They’re not a pie at the local Bakers Square, no need for showing them off. Besides, and trust me…your ex doesn’t care anyway.)
Showing Up Drunk:
This should never even have to be mentioned, but a few of my dates must have not gotten the memo so I’ll add it. Instead of showing up hammered to your date, save him / her the grueling task of deciphering your mumbling slurs as English…and stay out at the party you were already at or better yet, try AA.
Showing Up Late:
Who ever asks for the date should be the first to arrive. Fashionably late works well for a P-Diddy White Party, but it’s rude for a date. At best, you’ll look like an uninterested a**. At worst, you’ll look like an uninterested a** who’s date is now pissed off. Having your date annoyed at you before it even starts doesn’t help your odds. It’s basically the same as having Stevie Wonder pinch hit in the world series. Sure he might make contact, but it’s not going to be a hit.
Don’t be on time…be early.
(Bonus Tip: Order a drink so you’re not just sitting there creeping out the bartender and annoying the hostess. It also shows you can be comfortable and calm being alone in a social settings which shows you’re less needy than a puppy.)
Not Being Dressed Up:
Save the witty phrased printed t-shirt for another time. And NO, Ed Hardy (although perhaps expensive for a t-shirt)…is not considered dressed up. This is a first date. You’re here to make an impression to hopefully get a second date. The effort you put forward to look nice, shows you care about not only impressing your date…it shows you also care about yourself.
Guys, tuck in your shirt and wear a belt that matches your shoes. Brown is not the same color as black, not even in low light.
Girls, lets leave a least a little to the imagination. Showing up half naked just looks desperate and you want to leave him wanting more. Guys like to wonder…let them.
Preconceived Notions:
I.E. Bad Attitude. I get it, you’re not excited about yet another first date. But if you already know the outcome before you ever show up…why go?
What if you’re wrong? What if you actually have fun?
Relax, you don’t need to get married after a first date…you just need to enjoy the experience. There is nothing hurt going out with someone you won’t be seeing again. At least now you know and you’re another step closer to finding a great person.
Besides…worst case scenario is that you get to use the bad stories for a future blog.
Turning up smelling nice is always good! Well particularly not smelling bad!
I’m kind of a fan of Cheesecake Factory…
haha I like it too! Guaranteed leftovers and the best key lime cheesecake. Yum!
I would think that if you are going out on a first date you would have better sense then to do some of these things but I have actually seen and heard about a few of these. Never anyone showing up drunk though. Being late could be acceptable depend on how late and if communication was kept to let me know what was going on and how the rest of the date went.
Wow, I’m so glad I’m married. The whole “don’t show up drunk” thing I could never deal with.
Hey Scott, great blog… do you mind if an “old dog” adds in two cents? I’ve been happily married for ten years now (Happily – Honestly!) but still remember the # 1 best piece of advice I ever got about acing the “First Date”; and while this applies mostly to men, it also gives women some clues if they are wasting their time or not right up front.
The first date should always be for coffee, and never last more than 40 minutes – Why is this? First off, if there’s no connection then no real investment of time or money was wasted by either parties, it was just a casual chat between two nice people. On the other hand if there is a connection, the man should use this time to ask questions, listening carefully for clues on what activities his date likes; this way if there’s a second date he’s prepared to do something she’ll enjoy. This tactic also lets women know when the man is listening to what they say, something that demonstrates respect for both them and the relationship.
Also, if the first date is going well, should it extend the 40 minute timeline? Absolutely not and here’s why: Let’s say the 40 minutes are up and both lattes are finished; if the guy says “What do you want to do now?” it sends 2 messages: First that he’s got nothing going on in his life and the date is just “filling time”, and secondly, this shows he doesn’t know how to plan a date, and is probably flying by the seat of his pants hoping she’ll make suggestions… for some women is a deal breaker, and it should be, as they deserve better.
It’s much wiser for the guy to use this time deciding if there should be a second date, and if so, he do some “fact-finding” to make sure that date will be as special and memorable as possible for her. It’s better to say “Hey, thanks for meeting me, I had a great time but have to run to meet some friends; I’d love get together again – are you available on Saturday afternoon?” If she says yes, say “Great”, he should use what he’s learned to plan an excellent second date with her.
And while some folks may think this method sounds a bit manipulative, experience has taught me that women appreciate a guy with an active social life, as well as one who listens to them and plans dates out in advance. Case in point: A few years ago my good friend found out on the first date his gal liked cheese, so on the second date took her to a cheese tasting. They just celebrated their fifth anniversary and she told the story at the party!
Cheers!
I think you’re on to something Big Fish. At first I was thinking “why not just go somewhere else after 40 minutes if things went well” but you bring up good points about ending on a high note and avoiding awkwardness trying to figure out what to do next. I love that second date cheese tasting story. That’s great they hit it off and are still together!
Showing up drunk is bad, as is getting drunk during the date. Showing off and trying to be the center of attention at all times is awful too.
So glad I don’t have to worry about dating…
Tip #1 is huge! Go where you are known and you are welcome so that your date thinks you are a nice, popular person. That always goes off well. From service, to extra little things!
Here’s the most important first date rule for girls: Do not go over to his house! His offer to cook you dinner is sweet, but not first date appropriate. Always meet up in a neutral place. And while we’re at it, drive yourself to that neutral location, no pick ups! I’m surprised by how many girls f* this up. 😉
That’s why I put that guys should be early to meet! I assumed the “neutral location first date rule” was across the board accepted, apparently not. I don’t want girls to know I can’t cook at all until at least the fourth date. 🙂
I haven’t had to “date” in about 5 years (married, not a monk… well…) but I think you’ve got a few hits and a few misses.
The dining choice is big, and I definitely think taking a girl to a really overpriced fancy place (even if you really want to go) does no one any good. It makes the date planner look pretentious, and either makes the invited person uncomfortable at spending so much of the invitee’s money… or worse if they are just in it for the fancy meal, you wasted a bundle. Keep it casual – no not Wendys.
I disagree with the dressing up to an extent. Yes, you don’t want to wear UFC or Jon Gosselin wear – but I’m not a shirt tucker. If I dress up with a nice button down shirt, I’ll still generally wear it untucked, for how I feel comfortable and what I think looks better vs. just being sloppy… I think the real thing is to be yourself, not try and overdress/underdress to make a point.
Good advice though Scott… its a wonder some lucky gal hasn’t swiped you up just yet.
Are you insane…a few misses???? Erroneous…erroneous on all counts. Actually I agree with you, to an extent. I think the dress should be to your personality and be appropriate for the date. If it’s a casual date then casual dress is totally fine. My advice I guess was to many who seem to appear clueless and when in doubt…dress up. I can rock the untucked look as well. But rule number uno…just go with the tuxedo T-shirt. It shows you’re classy, but still know how to party. Thanks for the comment.
My top tip would be to drop your expectations of what’s going to happen. Go out with the sole intention of having a good conversation with someone interesting and nothing more. If you get that part right, then everything else is a given.
Excellent tip Dave. I tried to convey that with my last point. Dates are meant to be enjoyed and fun. I think we often put too much pressure on the situation and the pure enjoyment of good company and a few drinks get pushed by the wayside. Thanks for the comment!
Hilarious post and great advice! So wearing an “Affliction” shirt with rosary beads isn’t considered dressed up?!
It is if you’re Mike (AKA The Situation) from Jersey Shore! Good tips Scott.
That’s uber fancy if you’re “The situation”. Just remember GTL (Gym…Tan…Laundry) and you’re all good.
No, that’s totally dressed up. Just make sure it’s one that’s bedazzled with a ton of rhinestones of a giant cross or fleurdelis. And don’t forget the floating leather cuffs. I think it’s important to show your date just how much you love UFC…and nothing proves to world you watch UFC more than Affliction t-shirts.
No, that’s totally dressed up. Just make sure it’s one that’s bedazzled with a ton of rhinestones of a giant cross or fleurdelis. And don’t forget the floating leather cuffs. I think it’s important to show your date just how much you love UFC…and nothing proves to world you watch UFC more than Affliction t-shirts.
Come on, leave GSP (Georges St-Pierre) alone. I met him a few time and he’s a cool guy (by the way he wears more Dom Rebel than his own brand…). But you should go more with Christian Audigier, even more rhinestones, you’ll really flash big time…
All kidding aside…I’m a huge UFC fan and have been for a long time. But those get ups are ridiculous. At least the fighters get paid to wear those shirts. Although its not like anyone is going to make fun of them unless they want a beat down. But I always crack up when you go out and so many people have the same outfits on. At a restaurant!
Haha, all good points–I’ve definitely made every mistake in the book but that just makes it more fun. Preconceived notions are probably the number one no-no on my list, especially if you’re interested in a meaningful relationship. Avoid changing yourself to fit whoever you’re on the date with–whether or not they notice “reactive dating” behaviors, they’re not going to feel that awesome feeling you get when you meet someone you know is just being who they are and loving it.
You are a wise soul Nathan. Def some solid advice I can use. Thanks much for the comment and for stopping by. I’m interested to hear some of these “mistakes” you speak of. I’ve certainly had my share as well…at least it makes for a good story.
It’s funny how something as easy as matching the belt to the shoes can be so hard for some people. If I may had, light blue jeans -> light colour shoes (or brown), dark jeans -> darker shoes (black).
Also, another cool first date idea is to actually cook diner with a nice bottle of wine, it always works great for me.
Thanks for the comment Alexandre. You’d be surprised just how many people leave out the little details like a matching belt, or polished shoes. Sometimes those can be the most important. I know cooking can win a girls heart…but unless my date likes a Tombstone Pizza (bonus if she does), I’ll be going out for dinner. Thanks for stopping by and I appreciate the comment.
You’re welcome! By the way, it’s totally worth it to invest in learning how to cook. Or even propose to your date to try out a new recipe together. It’s fun and even if you screw up, at least you’ll get a good laugh out of it.
Love the blog and good luck!
Excellent choice on the cooking lessons. I did a cooking class a while back with a gf and it was a ton of fun. Thanks for the comments and your support!
I definitely wore white socks with black shoes when I first met my now fiancee. Haha, thankfully, she overlooked this mistake and helped correct my fashion errors.
“Don’t be on time…be early.”
I disagree with this one. It’s like showing up early to a party: what if they’re not ready?
Obviously don’t keep them waiting, but I say give ’em time to prepare and don’t look overeager.
Thanks for the comment Mike. I was commenting on when meeting at a neutral site. I agree, if you’re picking the girl up…be on time. It would def be annoying to show up way early when they’re still getting ready. Thanks for stopping by.
“Showing up drunk”… that’s funny. My current boyfriend showed up high to our first date! We’ve been together for 2 years now so I guess it didn’t bother me too much at the time.
See, I never said anything about that. Besides…as all things, to each there own. I can only recommend what I think works. And when somebody shows up hammered for a first date, it will end in disaster more often than success. Cheers to your 2 yrs!! Many thanks for the comment and for stopping by.