We all envision great things for ourselves and usually this begins during childhood. Albeit unconventional and laughable (now), my childhood fantasy for future greatness involved driving a school bus, becoming a famed painter (with zero skills, naturally) and teaching high school English. My career aspirations changed about as often as my scrunchies but I always thought this was normal, that no one really knows what they want to make of themselves aside from knowing it will be noteworthy. But somehow my older sister always knew she wanted to be a veterinarian and I’m pretty sure my father always knew he would be a doctor yet I didn’t know even know WHERE I wanted to be, let alone what I wanted to do, until my feet touched French soil for the first time. And that was pretty much it – I fell in love with the lifestyle and resolved to construct a life around the country and language.
The Corporate Quandary
Fast forward to college, where I studied French and Communications. Everyone around me had a plan, foresaw a corporate future and accepted that they would be giving their lives to “the man” until they could prove themselves and either move up or move out. I was loath to believe this was the only option. No one ever pressured me to choose an academic direction that would set me on a clear professional path but I, nonetheless, felt inadequate for sticking with passion rather than practicality. I was intimidated by everyone else’s clarity and afraid of failure.
After a 7 week French language and fashion seminar in Paris, I knew I’d never be the same. Yes, that is partially a result of meeting the man I now proudly call my husband, but I never would have attempted that trip had it not been for an insatiable need to discover what else was out there. What opportunities and experiences would present themselves, I wondered, beyond the City of Brotherly Love? My life would be completely different had I not been galvanized by my family mustered up the courage to conquer my fear and break free from my comfort zone. I did whatever necessary to return to Paris (i.e. studied abroad to complete my undergraduate degree and graduate school) and it’s been 3 years of struggle, frustration, excitement and personal growth. I wouldn’t do anything differently.
How-to
I realize now that achieving my untemplate lifestyle had several pre-requisites:
1 – Passion. Without it, I would never have pursued a life in Paris after my first visa expired. I would have closed that chapter of my life, packed my bags and moved back to Philadelphia for a less complicated existence full of regret that I did not make it work.
2 – Curiosity. This is not to say that people who don’t travel lack curiosity, but completely abandoning a comfortable life in your hometown requires considerable interest in seeing firsthand what lies beyond your borders.
3 – Confidence. 95% of the people I graduated from high school with are in successful, well-paid corporate positions with a promising financial future. In moments of weakness I compare myself to them, reducing my successes to insignificant. Yet the feedback I receive from friends and family back home is how courageous I was to change my life for this seemingly romantic path. You have to be confident in your choices and have faith that your determination will pay off. It just might take longer than you planned.
4 – Fearlessness. Only about a quarter of Americans have passports. Why? One possible reason, among many, may be fear. Fear of the big bad scary world outside the US, fear of change, perhaps even fear that they will discover that life is better elsewhere. This fear may limit meaningful opportunities to explore the beauty of other cultures and environments as well as limit personal growth that is fostered through practical experience. Whether you move from Tennessee to Chicago or Philadelphia to Paris, if it involves abandoning familiarity, the same level of courage is required.
This lifestyle is:
1) Not always comfortable
2) Not always headache-free (can you say French bureaucracy?)
3) Inherently complicated – leaving your hometown, whether it is across the country or across the world is bound to present some complications. It is emotionally and mentally taxing. Moving to another culture makes it all the more challenging to decompartmentalize your two worlds.
4) Fraught with sacrifice – leaving my family and friends behind vs. abandoning my dream of establishing a life in Paris and perfecting my language skills.
5) Fulfilling and enriching – I have met the most interesting and inspiring people in Paris and have learned so much not only about the world and other cultures, but about myself and my future ambitions.
So what?
There is more to life than a cubicle and a rational, safe career route. But the only way to break free from the limitations of the 9-5 is by conquering your fear of the unknown and swapping rationality for passion. Despite moments of self-doubt and apprehension, my course eventually reached a balance on its own and, as a result, has imbued my life with so much more meaning. So while I’m not a bus driver, a painter or an English teacher, I have accomplished more than I ever imagined just by liberating myself from fear and embracing a less traveled path.
Thanks for this 🙂
Thank you David!! I encourage you to pursue international travel, it’s so enlightening and life changing!!
I saw your tweet – you are one of many who thought I was referring to Wisconsin with my blog name!! Sorry about that!
Thanks, Lindsey. This is an inspiring and enlightening post. I’ve broken away from the traditional path with my career but I’ve always wanted to do more international travel and possibly settle in another country for a while. Your story has encouraged me to keep moving in that direction.
One of the things I have learned while rock climbing is that what often seems impossible for us to accomplish is more in our own mind than it is in reality. It’s just requires taking those first few steps outside of your comfort zone and then pushing ahead.
Oh and onto the point about 24% of American’s having passports, I think that has more to do with the fact that most folks are stuck in the template lifestyle and doubt they will ever travel than it has to do with fear.
Great post.
Mike,
My mouth dropped when you talked about rock climbing because my husband is an avid rock climber!! He often talks about how it’s all about strategy and pushing ahead even when it’s uncomfortable. Definitely an appropriate analogy!
You’re right – fear is not the ONLY factor at play with the lack of international travel among Americans. I would agree that a templated lifestyle also plays a role.
Funny talking about rock climbing in a conversation about fear. I have a debilitating fear of heights. It’s the one fear that has proven resistant to my attempts to overcome.
I grew up in a family that struggled to stay above the poverty line. I think that lack of money has a significant factor on the percentage of people who haven’t traveled internationally. (My wife and I are saving for a trip to the land of (1/4 of) our ancestors, Ireland. The airfare alone is going to be around $1000, plus our expenses in the country itself.)
Lindsey, thank you for sharing your story and your ‘how to’ for overcoming fear. I think this part from #3 resonated the most with me:
“You have to be confident in your choices and have faith that your determination will pay off. It just might take longer than you planned.”
Very well said!
Laura, thank you! I had to keep telling myself that eventually my hard work would pay off but it definitely took MUCH longer than I expected. It’s a continuous process, tedious but necessary. I know you see the value in that 🙂
So true! Especially the part about people being afraid.
When I tell people I traveled alone through Africa for 9 months they are totally shocked.
Wow, that IS worthy of praise and awe! Where were you in Africa? Did you have a particular reason for going? I admit, I don’t think I’d be courageous enough to travel for such a duration alone. Very admirable.
Lindsey, I appreciate your practical take on the situation. Too often we romanticize just the type of change you’ve made; it’s important to realize that life is life wherever you are and there will be difficulties. Thanks for the read, and I’ll look for you over at lost in cheeseland (I thought that was a Wisconsin reference).
ha! You wouldn’t be the first! I’ve had a few people tell me they thought I was a Wisconsin native 🙂 To which I say, no the OTHER land of cheese!
Thank you for your comment! I can confirm that choices like these are by no means romantic although the media likes to glamourize them.
Insightful post. Hope to hear more from you on Untemplater. You are a good addition to the mix.
Thanks Lauren, that means a lot to me. 🙂
This post was SO right on!!! You should consider writing a book about living a life less ordinary! Curiosity definitely didn’t kill the cat…it made him blissfully happy! 🙂
Thank you Andi!! I don’t think I’d have it in me to write a book, but I could definitely share a few stories or two with you about my experiences!
Love what you’re doing in Brazil!
This is great! 🙂 I have so much hope now that, someday, I can live where I want to. (Either Germany or the UK for me, preferably the UK, but I do worry about the expense.) Of course, I need to get my husband on board with it… But I think we can both say we don’t belong in the US forever. (He also lived in England for two years and would go back in a heart beat — I spent three weeks there and wished I could have stayed forever.)
Of course, we haven’t been to Japan yet… But having to leave our cars behind makes me shy away from moving there and resigning to visiting often.
Who knows where I’ll end up yet… I’m just going along for the ride right now. Very excited to be moving to Washington state later on this year, only a few months at this point! 🙂
Dream place vs family is probably the hardest decision that anyone ever makes, assuming three things.
1) Family isn’t already in your dream location. I have a friend who grew up in Hawaii. He’s traveled all over the world for work (air force), but can’t imagine living any other place in the world.
2) Family is actually important to you. I have a cousin who moved out the day after she graduated high school and has only been back to her home state 5 times in the last 35 years. For her, leaving wasn’t a difficult decision at all.
3)You actually make the decision. Of course, a lot of people never even think about it. They just assume that they will always be where they are. They are the kind of people that the untemplating lifestyle are trying to break away from.
Growing up, I dreamed of living in Colorado. When my girlfriend moved there with her family, I knew that it was my opportunity and moved as soon as I graduated from college and got married. I love the geography and I enjoy the people. But I miss my family and the flavor of southern New Jersey. Now we’re talking about moving back to NJ sometime in the 3-5 year time frame. But if I never came out here, I would have spent my entire life pinning for it and wouldn’t have the satisfaction in NJ that I will when I return.
GREAT post L. In today’s world of blogging we’re constantly told that you have to quit your nine to five, stop whatever your doing, and pursue your dreams and passions. It’s easy to make it sound fun and glamorous (and of course it can be) but in reality, doing that is not by any means “easy”. I have told you personally and will say it again here – I admire the hell out of you for your ability and courage to get out there and pursue what you want to be doing. Living abroad still scares the hell out of me, mostly because of the unknown – it takes guts to do what you’ve done and I really appreciate your realistic perspective on the topic of location independence. Cheers!
Thanks Matt! I’m sure that if the opportunity presented itself you would be able to muster up the courage to move abroad. The uknown IS daunting but once you arrive you realize that things aren’t THAT much different than the US, aside from food, attitude, manners, administration….. the list keeps going hehe. In all seriousness, you’ve pursued a location independent life in your own way. Moving domestically can be just as intimidating!
Well written Lindsey. …
And you definitely weren’t alone in not knowing what you wanted to do with yourself!!! THat is all about growing up!
Thank you all for such wonderful comments!!
@Susan – your experience mirrors my own!! I TOO first came to France in high school FOR 10 DAYS!! That’s when I fell in love. However it was also because I was fortunate to have a French teacher who a) spoke like a native b) was encouraging and motivating c) saw my potential and told me to go for it.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with the 9-5 IF it works for you! If it is fulfilling. I work hours similar to that but love what I’m doing and am doing it in Paris! That’s the difference. It was hard, VERY hard, so hard at times I thought about packing my bags and pretending like this life-changing experience never happened. But that would be failure to me and I couldn’t let that happen. Whenever anyone asks me how I got here, I don’t sugar coat it. It wasn’t easy, it took a lot of research, paperwork, frustration and fear of failure. But that fear, in the end, is what propelled me to continue trying.
@Edward – you are so right. There are people who make the choice or can’t make the choice. Regardless of how you look at it, it’s a hard decision with sacrifices on both sides. As I said, fear is unfortunately what holds people back but if it’s fear of being away from loved ones, you make it work. Whether it’s Colorado (in your case) or Tokyo, sometimes the right moment comes along that removes the fear. In your case, it was love!
@John – I agree, there are so many advantages of living abroad and you start to become critical, in a positive way, of your homeland. I see MANY problems with France as well but it has enriched my life in a way that I couldn’t have imagined had I stayed in the US.
@Meg – sounds like for you and your husband it’s just a matter of time and location! It’s so refreshing that people are motivated and excited about the prospect of living someplace unfamiliar (or vaguely familiar). Go for it when you feel the moment is right!
Great Post Lindsey!
It takes courage to give up a secure and comfortable existence for the unknown. You may also have to make some financial sacrifices, but you can gain so much learning about other countries and yourself. I feel that I have developed immensely as a person from living in Japan and traveling to other countries.
It is sad that so few people choose to live abroad. It is easier than ever to live an anywhere lifestyle but most people are afraid to try.
John,
While a lot of people may not choose to be location independent, or even to travel, there are also people who don’t because of sheer disinterest. I’ve traveled domestically, but I prefer to do it rarely/occasionally because I find traveling to be stressful. If I were to travel too often, the downsides would out-weigh the upsides.
I’ve never traveled internationally, and I admit that is my fault. I’ve never taken the time to learn of options that take you away from the cities. Traveling to other countries always seems to be about seeing their cities. See London! See Paris! See Rome! Tokyo! Beijing! Moscow! Istanbul! Berlin! Cairo! Frankly, I don’t like cities. They are too crowded. Being around crowds drains me; it takes the enjoyment out of where I am. I much prefer pastoral settings. Give me grass, trees, mountains, and lakes over taxis, subways, bullet trains, and buildings.
@Edward Then don’t see the cities. You can go to wherever you want to, which is the joy of traveling.
I know, I know. As I mentioned above, it’s my fault. I just have never gotten around to exploring what the options are. Part of is, I’ve never taken the time to find out, what exactly can these rural areas of other countries offer that I can’t find in the US?
Anyone of you world travelers want to answer? 🙂
Edward, not being from the US I can assure you that the rural areas of other countries can offer you anything you want. Countries are all different. I know that sounds simplistic but it is so true.
See the English countryside for rolling hills, hedges, old pubs and old ladies on bicycles. No strip malls or McDonalds, but pleasant people and 1,000 year old churches that are open to visit, unvandalised.
Go to Holland to see amazing feats of land reclamation, windmills, canals and beautiful old dutch houses. See the countryside 30 metres below the adjacent sea and meet an ancient people who have lived in their village for over 500 years.
Go to Fiji to see amazing abundance all round you. See a happy people who are laughing all the time and live by plucking fruit of nearby trees and pulling fish out of the sea. they don’t need to work because they can, literally, live of the food growing all round them.
Go to India to chaos even in the rural areas, see people struggling to survive but enjoying their life.
Go to any country but the US and see people without guns, life without fear and people who know of and understand the outside world.
Graham
Graham,
Thanks for the insights on England, Holland, Fiji, and India. Old women riding bicycles would certainly be a sight to see!
Being from several generations of rural America, I think your assessment of a bit unfair and based primarily on depictions made by urban media sources.
Lindsey:
You pretty much had me with this post at the very mention of Paris. 😉
When I was sixteen, I went with my high school French class on a ten-day trip throughout France. We spend three days in Paris and some time in Cannes, Nice, Monaco, and touring the Loire Valley. I was hooked. I was homesick, too, but I fell in love with the country, the culture, the food, the language. Every word I spoke felt natural, though I royally messed up a few phrases. Everything I saw was filled with wonder. I studied the history, studied the culture, read books — but there was nothing quite like being there and immersing yourself in it. I promised myself that someday I would go back for a longer amount of time, not really knowing that I ever would.
Until ten years later when I answered an ad in a magazine and submitted my application for a writing retreat. I spent three weeks in the French countryside, seeing a different side of the country I loved so much. And I fell deeper in love with it. I was homesick again, but I was happy. To me, this was another chance, a dream really come true. It was a home away from home.
That was my experience with France, and though I long to move there, I don’t know if I would be able to leave my family permanently — that is always the hardest part. And while on these trips I’ve seen the country through the rose-colored glasses of beauty and love, I know, as you describe, that there are negative aspects to every situation and, especially, every country.
You’ve tackled that, however, and your passion, confidence, curiosity, and fearlessness have led you to a place that you call home. That is so admirable. I appreciate your honesty in its difficulties — it’s a realism that I think more people should be aware of. I personally don’t know where I’ll end up — quite frankly, I’m happy in my 9-5 job and pursuing my passions in other ways, but I hope that when I’m ready to make a change, I can tackle it with those same qualities. And hopefully that change will one day lead me back to France 😉
Great post, Lindsey. Can’t wait to read more from you.
Thanks Matthew! I think it is REALLY easy to compare yourself to other people and to other people’s success and feel defeated. I know it’s happened to me. But everyone is on their own journey and will arrive where they’re meant to be in time.
I love how you mentioned that this lifestyle is not always easy. It’s so easy to read about people’s experiences and only see/hear about the good parts, when that is is not always the case.
Obviously, however, the pros outweigh the cons, and it is well worth it.
Thank you for the how-to. I definitely understand number 3, as I am in a similar situation. I have to remind myself that that’s ok, I don’t want their lives, and they don’t want mine. So I mentally congratulate them on their success and continue working on my life without worrying about theirs.
love this post. i know exactly how you feel 🙂 your how-to list — very insightful.
i want to read more!!!