Thanks to the economic downturn of 2008-2009, many grown adults are now living at home with mom and dad. According to a poll by Twentysomething Inc, some 85% of college graduates boomerang back to their parents home. Another poll highlights that the number is close to 50%.
Both polls must be screwed up because if that’s really the case, the US economy is in for a multi-generational long decline as graduates delay launching their careers, relationships, and families due to the inability to find full-time work.
Wait a minute, if you track the sovereign bond yield of Japan and the United States, you’ll see that we’re on the exact same course! See the chart below.
I’ve kept in touch with three Japanese friends who live in Tokyo, and one friend who lives in Osaka, and all but one of them lived at home with their parents until they got married in their early 30s. The other friend got married and invited his wife to live at home with his parents!
I don’t know about you, but for the first several years of marriage, I’d like to have absolute freedom spending time with my spouse, doing as I see fit. Sydney wrote a very insightful post called, “Multigenerational Households: Treasure or Torture?” that goes through the pros and cons of living at home with the parents. For newly weds, I would say the cons outnumber the benefits 3 to 1!
MEN HAVE IT BAD
There is no man I know who will admit to living at home with their parents after the age of 30. If they do live at home with the ‘rents, then obviously it’s just a temporary gig until they find a new job, or a new place to live. As men, we are expected to be somebody by the age of 30, or at least be on the path to accomplishment. After all, society expects us to care for the entire family, no matter how much progress there is between the sexes.
I personally would love to kick back and have my wife take care of me, if only for several years. Working non-stop for over 10 years starts to wear on the mind.
WOMEN HAVE IT BAD TOO
Even though men have it bad, I don’t know if women have it much better. In 2012, women are supposed to now be equal breadwinners with successful careers, while being super moms to their kids at home. This is an impossible feat! There are only 24 hours in a day, and something must give.
One of my colleagues got into work at 5am and left at 6pm everyday AFTER she had her first child. When she gave birth to her second child, we thought she’d surely take it easier. Nope. She continued to work from 5am to 6pm despite having two little ones at home who wanted to play. Her husband was the stay at home parent who took care of everything. When my coworker had her third child, no doubt she would start to slow down. After all, who can bear being away from their kids for that long? Instead, she got a promotion and moved her family across the country where she could work even more. Poor kids. At least they’re rich!
There is much less stigma against adult women who live at home with the parents. Instead, there is empathy because she likely has not found a soul mate to spend the rest of her life with yet. If things go too far, pity then results as people start nitpicking a woman’s flaws for why she can’t attract a credible mate.
Contrast the attitude of adult men who live at home, and it is a completely different story. People will think that the man is absolutely lazy, crazy, stupid, or a combination of all three! Remember, it is still up to the man to make the first move, and not the women. Clearly something must be wrong with the guy if he’s 33 and lives in mom’s basement. What if the guy just really loves his parents and wants to save money for a bit?
LET’S BE HONEST
If my parents had a mega-mansion right here in San Francisco, I would happily live on one floor to save money on rent. Yes, I’d probably take advantage of the chauffer to pick me up from tennis practice, and use the butler to deliver me grilled cheese sandwiches with tomatoes, but other than that, I’d be a completely independent man!
It costs $1,500 a month now to get a half-way decent studio in San Francisco. If you wanted to buy that same studio for $500,000, you might get a 4% mortgage from your bank, that is if you can find a way to put $100,000 down! At the very least, you should be able to reduce the chances of late payments hurting your credit score. I don’t know, the odds seem stacked against young adults nowadays.
By living at home with the parents, you not only are able to save at least 50% of your after tax income every month, you also get to help out around the house and get to know your parents as adults, and no longer children. My relationship with my parents under 25 is totally different from my relationship with them in my mid-30s. It’s much better!
Furthermore, for those who want to eventual lead untemplate lifestyles and work from all over the world, the time spent now with your parents shall very well make up for all that time abroad.
To the 85% of college graduates who return home to live with mom and dad, have no shame. You are now in the majority according to one study, which means you have power. You aren’t that rare albino tiger who everybody whispers about anymore. You’ve become as common as a pigeon in St. Mark’s Square.
Fight on, and don’t forget to at least pay for the cable and utility bills!
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Photo: Puppy in China, SD.
Regards,
Sam
Updated 2016
I live at home with my parents and am developing my business from home and I do chores. I am learning to be a responsible adult. ( I am 23.) Everyone is different.
If you’re actively helping out around the house and saving money while building your business that’s great. Showing responsibility and thankfulness for your parents makes a big difference. They can also help you brainstorm ideas for your business and provide their own insights from their years of work experience. You’re lucky to have a good relationship with them!
When I graduated from college, most people got their undergrad degrees and went off on their own to live by themselves, with a bf/gf, or with roommates. I didn’t know too many people who lived with parents or even wanted to. I moved to another city, actually!
Today, there sure seems to be less stigma. Personally, I think that’s great. Whether male or female, I don’t think it should be any kind of negative if a person is living with parents. What’s wrong with it?
Now, it would cause problems in one’s dating life I would think. Not a deal killer, but a serious negative.
But if that’s not an issue, and one doesn’t care, why not stay at home and save money? In other cultures outside the US, it’s often much more accepted not only when young but also at different stages in life. I suggest that people do whatever they want to, and simply don’t worry about what others think when it comes to living with parents.
Sounds like we were in the same boat!
If one can get along with their parents and save money, I don’t see what the big deal is at all, especially if you are unemployed after college.
I moved out right when I began college, and my BF and I lived on our own for 4 years before we had to think seriously about our future and where we want to be. Did we want to rent and throw almost more than 80% of our income on rent here in southern Cal? Rent is outrageous. We decided to stay at the BF’s parents house to save as much as we can, and we already have enough for 25% of a down payment. It definitely sucks but we just think of where we want to be in the future. We’ve been doing it for 2 years but I’m moving out for school. When I graduate that’s when we plan to move out for good.
Given your BF has you, he probably wasnt made to feel bad or as bad. Also, imagine if he had to stay with your parents! Might be more weird with your father and him no?
I threw 30% of my after tax jncone in rent away because I had no other choice after college. My parents lives far away and could no longer support me.
Do you think women have it easier wrt living at home?
I am currently living with my in laws since we did not know where we were going to be working and did not want to sign another lease, and then break it. I found my job pretty quickly after moving out. The apartment we want does not come available until Aug 22nd, so we until then we will stay with them. I miss my apt!
My children moved home after (college) graduation for a brief (6 months) time. They needed that time to save for security deposits on an apartment. As a parent, I do not want my children moving home, unless it were an emergency and for a very limited time. I would expect them to help defray expenses by paying for food etc.
I like how you admit that you DO NOT want your children moving home Larry! 🙂
Why not?! Free back massages are nice no?
I bought groceries for the entire family until I moved out. My brother did similar by paying tha cable/internet bill. We both chose the thing most important to us 😉
Sounds like a fair trade Ed!
I think 85 is a bit high but you also have to define length of boomerang. I graduated in May that year and my job started in October so I spent the summer at my girlfriend’s parents’ house (big mistake) and my parents’ house until my job started. So I consider myself a boomerang? Not really. My brother however took 14 months to find a job and lived with my parents. Definitely a boomerang there. I estimate close to 40 to 50 percent.
GUTSY! Did your girlfriend’s father live in that house too? I’d be scared shitless.
Did your brother enjoy living at home with your parents? That’s the new question!
He did and it was not pleasant. I was called lazy for not finding a job and relaxing for the last few months before the real world even though I had money in the bank.
My brother hated it but was broke and had no other options.
Who called you lazy?
Hopefully your brother has much more money now.
My girlfriend’s dad called me lazy. My bro does good now. Engineer at SpaceX.
Figures the dad would call you lazy. Dads hate all boyfriends of their daughters!!
I strongly disagree that there is no stigma around women living at home with her parents in her thirties. I don’t know very many of these types, but the ones that I do know definitely get a bad rap. In Canada, our economy didn’t get hit a fraction as bad as the US’s, so here, I doubt even half of college grads live at home – I know most of my friends don’t. I moved out BEFORE I started college.
“No” is too harsh of a word, I agree. How about much less? I have a feeling that those who become independent way sooner than others are much more critical of those who live at home with the rents. Whatcha think?
Thanks for posting an article that doesn’t just rant about how boomeranging is bad and anyone who does it needs to grow up and get their own place. The arugment just ignores the fact that children lived with their parents until marriage for most of Western Civilization.
I lived with my parents until I got married at 28. Several of my friends did the same. One friend lives with his wife and 2 children at his parent’s house. Or rather, his parents live with him at the house they are selling to him once it’s paid off (he’s paying their mortgage). Plus, I have a great-uncle who lived with his parents his entire life. When my great-grandparents retired from the tenent farm they worked, my uncle bought a house and they moved in with him.
Every culture is different, but it does seem like living at home with the parents until marriage is a ubiquitous theme. It only seems like in America, where we constantly push for independence, and where land is plentiful where this concept of living alone after 18-22 years old has come up.